Let us all congratulate KP Oli for becoming our Prime Monster. We now have another tenth grader living in Baluwatar but the only difference is that we really couldn’t understand what Sushil Da said, while now, we won’t understand what our new PM Oli meant when he goes on a rant.

I hope he will have a great time in Baluwatar like the rest of those who have lived there before him. Yes, it’s fun to be a Prime Monster in this land of ours. Even if you last a year or two, you still get freebies for life. Our civil servants get to be lazy for only 30 years or when they reach the so-called retirement age. But our politicians don’t have to worry about such stuff. They get to loot until the day they drop dead.

We now have seven PMs in the past seven years. If this is the trend, then we might as well provide a micro bus to pick up and drop off our former Prime Monsters instead of providing them luxury vehicles, fuel, security, allowances and what not. When will our government learn to save a few rupees instead of figuring out how to provide more state perks to our so called VVIPs who have never even done anything good for this country?

Let us hope that Oli will be the last of our politicians whose only claim to fame is spending years in prison during the ‘Panchey’ days.  Our dear Oli spent 14 years in prison. Maybe, he considers himself half of what Mandela was. Our politicians do not learn from Mandela, Martin Luther King or our chhimeki Mohandas. Instead, they just want to make some moolah through any ill-gotten ways possible.

Oli’s first priority should have been to talk to our Madhesi parties to end their andolan for at least a month.

We all know that if our Madhesi netas back down then they will lose face among the millions of folks in the Tarai. Let us also feel sorry for them. They didn’t start the fire. It was always burning, but now nobody wants to be firefighters.

At least when Modi called to congratulate Oli, he should have gently requested the Gujarati magician to tell our Madhesi netas to take a break for Dashain. Resume your andolan after Tihar. Let us at least get a cooking gas cylinder so that we can enjoy a meal of daal, bhaat and khasi ko masu this Dashain. Let us get a little more petrol and diesel than what the government offered us this week so that we can at least visit a relative or two during Dashain.

But of course, our netas have other priorities in mind. Oli’s first priority was to tell us that 350 tuins across the country would be replaced by suspension bridges within two years. We all know that out of the Rs 3 billion and more allocated for the bridges, half of it will probably go to pay off our civil servants, local politicians and mantris and anybody who has the connection to get a slice of the pie.

And we know that after two years, there will not even be a dozen or two new suspension bridges in this country.  

So this Oli government promises to make this country free of tuins in two years when it should have promised to make us totally zero-dependent on India when it comes to cooking gas and fuel in the next two years. We all know that it is not possible, but at least we could have had something to cheer about. Oli should have stood on the roof of the CA building and promised us that a Nepali will land on Mars in two years. We would have clapped again. But, of course, our netas don’t know how to win our hearts and minds. They only know how to break our hearts and make us lose our minds with promises they never intended to keep.

Oli needed the help of our Emperor Prachanda and Maharaja Kamal Dai. Our Maoists will get the Home Ministry and many more. Kamal Dai is now our Deputy Prime Monster and Foreign Minister as well.  He will probably spend as much as possible from our state treasury as he goes on a world tour. After all that’s what our foreign ministers do. Well, Kamal Dai is leaving for Delhi today. Let us hope he will enjoy chai and samosas with our chimekis. It has taken Kamal Dai a decade to get back into the corridors of power. So, don’t be surprised if such a mandaley becomes our Prime Monster someday.

We will have our Maoists, Madhesi, Mandaleys and Mundreys (M&Ms) in the cabinet. It’s sad that our Kangaroos won’t be in the new government. That means they will be the only ones without boras of cash when time comes for our general election in a few years.  

Oli and his crew will get to loot some of the funds meant for our earthquake victims. Our Madhesi, Mandeleys and Maoists ministers will get to make as much cash as possible for themselves and their parties as well. After all, you need lots of notes to win the votes in this land of ours. No wonder, common folks see politics as a dirty game. Our politicians seem least interested to resolve the crisis in Tarai. Our politicians have already forgotten our earthquake victims and their families.

Dashain is supposed to be the celebration of the victory of good over evil, but every year, in this beautiful land of ours, the hardworking citizens can’t afford to celebrate the festival, whereas the evil doers bathe in bideshi whiskey and free khasi from the Nepal Food Corporation.

Our government will never help us. Let us not expect anything from them. We have us. We have each other! Let us not let our evil doers divide us and burn our homes while they enjoy the bonfire! We are good people and one day we will prevail and defeat our own ten-headed Ravana!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at [email protected]