Let us all congratulate our King Deuba for finally moving to Baluwatar at five in the morning. Maybe this is the first time His Majesty has woken up this early in his life. But one has to follow the planetary charts or else be condemned to hell. And Deuba is also busy making sure all the Vastu stuff is right in his official residence and in Singha Durbar as well. Maybe Deuba should also send his astrologer to Amrika and the guy can give some advice to Trump so that he can stop tweeting, ranting and dismantling everything.

If all our politicians hired Deuba’s astrologers then we would not really have any traffic jams in the city. We need more astrologers like them so that our netas can travel only before five in the morning or after midnight. It will also save us a few Rupees of our taxpayers’ money since we won’t have to pay over-time or mobilise hundreds of cops to take care of the traffic and security for our loafers!

Deuba is already back to his old tricks. Our Election Commissioners wanted luxury vehicles and when the government secretary thought it was a bad idea, they went to Deuba and the civil servant got transferred. Why do our hakim sahebs and netas need luxury vehicles that guzzle petrol like water? Why can’t they ask for electric vehicles instead? But of course you need luxury vehicles so that you can drop your kids to school, take your wife for some shopping and when Saturdays come, you can take your whole family out for some fun! Life is beautiful for those in power and who have no shame to misuse their authority to drain our national coffer! And Deuba is here and our netas should be happy because in a few months, he will come up with something to increase the perks for being a Constipated Assembly (CA) lawbreaker. Happy days are here again for our clowns!

The second phase of the local elections is here. In a few days, our brothers and sisters will once again vote to elect their mayors, ward chairperson and other local representatives except for the unlucky folk in province 2 who will have to wait till September or even more. Let us hope that our government will be successful in holding the elections again and we pray that we will not witness violence or tearing of ballot papers!

And we should also remind our voters that they should either carry an umbrella, a raincoat or wear gum boots because once it starts raining then they will have to deal with floods in the plains and landslides in the hills. For our folks in the hilly regions, maybe it would be wise if everybody carried a shovel with them while on their way to the polls because our government will not be prepared to deal with any disasters during the monsoon season. We should all take care of ourselves because the chors and civil servants will not!

Deuba has been busy doing nothing. Well, he participated in a Yoga camp and seems that he is now a changed man. Deuba could finish a bottle or two of foreign whiskey at one go a decade ago but now he seems to have stopped drinking. He must be trying hard to quit smoking as well. Now, he tells us that yoga should be taught to students because it has mental and physical benefits and connects the heart and the brain to make us all a better person. Let us all hope that Deuba will be a big Yoga buff in the coming days and he will use his new-found energy to win the hearts and minds of the common folks as well as his fellow chors!

I think most of our public school teachers should also participate in yoga camps so that they too will turn out to be better human beings. Thousands of teachers in government schools have resigned and are now standing up for local elections. Many of our politicians who are now so-called top leaders in their parties used to be school teachers in the past. But it seems that the teachers who join politics and become our netas have never taken any moral science classes when they were kids. How can the same teachers who become politicians feel no pain when they direct their cadres to burn down public property and even kill those who hold opposing views?

Or maybe our teachers should stick to teaching kids and making them productive citizens instead of joining politics and screwing up the future while they loot the country and force our young ones to go overseas to be exploited.

Deuba is right when he also tells us that yoga helps a person get rid of bad habits and gives one pleasure. Maybe, it should be mandatory for all our civil servants and chor netas to wake up at 5am in the morning and do yoga for at least an hour every day. Yes, all corrupt fools should gather at Tundikhel every morning, sign in the attendance register, do their yoga thing and then who knows, we might finally get competent and hardworking civil servants and politicians with courage and vision.

If not then we might have to ask Ram Dev to come back to the Capital, and organise a yoga-cum-anti-corruption-camp until he gets laathi-charged by our cops as well. We do not want bidhesis interfering in our internal affairs but it seems that we have no choice but to ask the Desis, Chinese and other Bidhesis to issue a traval ban on all netas and civil servants in this land. If these clowns can’t travel abroad to waste our money then they might at least stay home and do their homework instead!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at [email protected]