We are now close to finally getting done with elections in our land for a while. If everything goes well then our government won’t have to waste billions of Rupees for the next five years on elections and our netas, contractors and con artists won’t have to spend hundreds of billions of Rupees for some time as well. But we never know with our politicians. Our chor netas are good at forming and toppling governments for petty reasons or for boras of cash or for their foreign handlers. It seems that most of our so-called top leaders of major political parties will win from their constituencies. 

Yes, elections cost a lot of money and most of the folks who do win and get elected to represent us then get together and make sure that they waste billions more in perks and benefits for themselves. Let us thank our Election Commission wallahs, security agencies and other government offices for making some dough, thanks to elections. 

Our EC commissioners now ride around in luxury vehicles. Our security agencies have received hundreds of new vehicles and lots of chiya kharcha in the name of security. Our Home Ministry is always happy because they are the ones who get to make the most dough during elections. Most of us make fun of King Deuba but he knows how to milk the system better than any other politician in this land. So what if he just mumbles and fumbles and no one understands his speech or his actions; he just keeps on misusing his power and nobody can touch him!

The second phase of our provincial and parliamentary elections will conclude this week. In a few weeks time, we will have our provincial lawmakers and federal parliament members and they will all work together to make Nepal great. Well, that’s what we expect from our lawmakers but we all know that it is just wishful thinking.

We have been led by crooks since we began celebrating ‘Democracy Day’ in this land.  Our thulo mancheys have been free to loot, boot and shoot the common folks. Our political parties preach us about democracy and yet they are not democratic at all when it comes to running their own parties. 

And we all should feel blessed that our political parties are now showing us all that they no longer believe in their own cadres to win elections. They need mundrey gundas and contractors and their muscles and money. Yes, give tickets to criminals and shady byaparis and they will win and help to add the seats for the parties. What can we expect from our state and federal parliaments when most of our lawmakers will be either criminals or contractors who have cheated us all by their shoddy construction works while making money for themselves and our netas?

It took our Maoists a decade of so-called civil war to finally come back from the real jungle to the concrete jungle. We can say the same for our Madhesi netas. It has taken them a decade as well to be some kind of a force, be it good or bad. Our grand old party, the Kangaroos has lost touch with the people.  It’s hard to believe that it’s the same party that had folks like Ganeshman and Kishunji and of course BP and many other netas who really seemed to care about the country more than their cousins! 

Even Panchey Prime Monsters like Kriti Nidhi Bista and Marich Man Singh Shrestha deserves at least an ounce of respect, even if they were part of an autocratic regime. They had the political courage to take a stand against bidhesis. But look at our netas today. 

Our bideshi ambassadors should be given government medals for having the courage to visit the residences of our chor netas and telling them to either shut up, put up or just take the money and do nothing. Bista did not want a state funeral when he died. Marichman didn’t’ get one but our netas since the 90s get freebies when alive and then grand state funeral when dead. Either way, they waste our taxpayers money and we are yet to get netas who will help us save a few Rupees instead!

New parties should learn a thing or two from our Maoists and Madhesi netas. Well, Rabindra Dai and his friends can’t go to the jungle or destroy public property in the name of politics. They can’t just walk up to Deuba and hand him a new ‘40-point’ demand either or talk about seceding. Our Maoists have yet to fulfill those demands they wanted Deuba and the then-government to fulfill.

Yes, we are all hypocrites! But what the new parties can do is give themselves at least a decade or two to be a major force in this country.  If they went underground and started the usual blasting and looting nataks then they might get there sooner given the track records of our political parties but of course the Bibeksheel Sajha wallahs seem like gentle folk and they are more than likely to get a few PR seats here and there, but it will be difficult to win the first-past-the-post natak this time. Why? Because we have lots of chors with their illegal money making sure that good, honest folks not get a chance! 

Most of our political parties promise us everything. We will have thousands of MW electricity. We will all be making at least ten thousand dollars a year in our own land in a decade. But how come we are yet to hear from any political parties about vegetables prices. Somebody promise us a free bora of onions or at least free electricity once we have the capacity to generate thousands of MW electricity.

Promise us the small stuff first. Free clean drinking water and better sanitation system. Better roads, less pollution, affordable education, healthcare, housing and food.  We don’t want to go to Mars yet. 

We just want to go to Maitighar without breathing in poisonous fumes and dust. We want to buy vegetables at affordable prices and not sell our mothers’ jewelry to be able to buy food. We don’t want the mafia running our medical schools and private hospitals and private schools making it difficult for us. We want our government back but it has been hijacked by mundreys and crooks.  But what do you expect when you have too many cooks spoiling the broth rotten? 

- Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at [email protected]