A few weeks ago, my cousin had a baby shower for their baby boy. When I looked at the pictures, I instantly felt bad for the child. Reason? The theme of the baby shower was blue. Everything from the cake to the decorations to the clothes that the people were wearing, everything was blue. When the child was born, the mother of my cousin said that she felt happier about the grandson she now has than when she gave birth to my cousin—who is a girl. Everything about this situation made me wish that I was not related to them, but I am a part of this society which conditions us to believe in gender roles and gender stereotypes since the day we are born—in this case, even before we’re born.

Gender stereotypes are a social construct, just like so many other things that have been deeply ingrained into our minds since a very young age. For instance, girls are told to sit in a “proper” way since a very young age and boys are taught not to cry. Boys are expected to have muscular bodies and girls are expected to have thin bodies. Girls are taught that they’re weak and vulnerable, and boys are taught that they’re strong and independent. Girls are told to stay at home and learn how to do the household chores while boys are set free to roam and explore. This sets unrealistic expectations from all genders.

The increase in conforming to gender stereotypes expands the world for boys and closes it in for girls. For instance, men of our society are expected to do great things. A man who has been pressurised to succeed in life, to earn a lot of money will look down on himself if he isn’t able to fulfill those expectations; expectations which were his parents’, but now they’re his because he has been conditioned to think in the same way. And if someone who is expected to be the “man of the house” has to depend on a female’s earnings, that person will live on and die thinking that he was a failure. On the other hand, women are hardly given opportunities. A girl is supposed to feel privileged if she is given education—a basic need. Moreover, she is expected to feel even more privileged if she is allowed to study after marriage. Of course, in most cases, a woman does not continue her studies or apply for jobs because she is expected to aspire to marriage.

In addition, the fact that we need to label a woman as a “man of the house” to express that she is the breadwinner of the family just shows how strong the conditioning is. Women are automatically presumed to be weak and if she shows the slightest hint of assertiveness, she is bossy and unlikeable. On the other hand, if a man expresses his emotions and is not bossy, he is unlikeable. In fact, he will be ridiculed for his behaviour. Hence, a man is expected to hide his emotions because if he expresses then, he is perceived as a weak and vulnerable—“like a girl.”

Conditioned gender stereotypes are toxic for all genders where we cannot express what or who we really are and this is ingrained in our brains since early adolescence. It will be ingrained by our parents, our friends, our siblings, our relatives and everyone else who surrounds us. We grow up thinking that the way we are conditioned is the way we are supposed to act and we expect others to act in the same way. We will then impose our views—views which were not even ours in the first place—on someone else. The cycle continues. But it’s high time that we end the cycle. Being aware and understanding how these norms manifest itself in other forms should be reason enough to motivate ourselves to “unlearn” the conditioned thoughts and not impose our views on someone else. Be non-judgmental, be open-minded and accept people for what they are regardless of their gender.

Lamichhane is an A-level student at GEMS