First things first 

You are going to have varying degrees of debates in your mind about whether or not you should install the Tinder app—a premier dating app among millenials—on your phone. You will think about installing it for days or even weeks where your mind will raise many (and valid) questions. 

“What if I see someone that I know? If I can see them then they can see me too. Or even worse—what if I find a relative? Sh*t.”

“What if I find my married friends on Tinder? Am I ready to be their secret keeper? Am I ready for this responsibility?” 

“What if everyone that I know finds out that I am on Tinder? Will I look desperate?” 

“Am I so desperate that I need to be on Tinder?”  

“Am I really doing it?” 

“The hell with it! I am going it do it. Life is too short to care about what others think! Carpe diem!”

Then, you will press the ‘INSTALL’ button. It is perfectly normal for these questions to pop in your mind. In fact, they should. You are weighing the pros and cons of making yourself visible in a dating app, especially one that has gained notoriety due to user horror stories.

You do not want to go into uncharted waters without being prepared. 

I took the perfectly rational decision to install Tinder on a crisp summer morning, while I was in the bathroom with my hand on my left jaw, cursing my toothache.

The journey of a thousand pictures begins with a single swipe 

Before you begin swiping left or right, you will find that writing a ‘bio’ will be hard. What do you write? Normally, you would write about your interests or anything interesting about yourself so that people like what they read and possibly swipe left to indicate that they ‘like’ you.  However, it is easier said than done. 

If you can write a bio of 500 characters to show what an awesome person you are then by all means, teach me! Because I certainly didn’t know what to write, I just stuck to my interests. 

“Lover of tea, books, photography, music and movies. So far, so good.”

Pretty basic, nothing exciting but I made sure to include some of my best photos! I uploaded fairly recent ones with a good mixture of pretty and plain photos. I didn’t want to be one of those ‘YOU LOOK NOTHING LIKE YOUR TINDER PROFILE!’ cases. 

Five minutes after I was done setting up my profile, I had already received a ‘Super Like’, which meant someone had really liked my photos or profile or bio? Who was it from? No idea. Tinder doesn’t show that. However, you can know if someone has ‘Super Liked’ you if there is a blue star next to the name. 

With this, I was ready to start swiping! 

“Well, well! Who do we have here?”

You will be surprised by the amount of familiar faces you will find on Tinder. Friends, friends of friends, married friends (sometimes both the husbands and the wives) and one or two relatives that you will probably avoid talking to next time (because both parties are now awkwardly aware).

At first, it will come as a shock especially when you see your married friends. You will think, ‘God! Do they know?’ and then you will start decoding their pictures to check if these were pre-marriage Tinder profiles—hey, you want to give your friends a fair chance. The next time you meet, you will be awkwardly aware about this too. 

You will come across a lot of different types of men. Good looking men. Bad looking men. Men with muscles. Men with no muscles. Men with no faces in their profiles. Artsy type of men. Adventurous men. Freaky men. Men who are here to make friends (they exist!). Men who are only here to have sex. 

You name it and Tinder’s got it! 

It will feel good to ‘reject’ men one swipe at a time and to get matched with the ones you ‘liked.’ Eight times out of ten, I swiped left (or ‘Nope’). Eight times out of ten, I matched with the ones that I swiped right (or Like). 

As you swipe left and reject the men, you will slowly realise how shallow you really are. You will instantly reject men who are not good looking. Your attention will pause for men who are pleasing to your eyes. Don’t worry, the men are doing the same. Your final call will depend on their bios.

Eight times out of ten, it will tell you nothing about the person. So, trust your instincts or let the chips fall where they may. 

Tip: Never swipe right to a guy who takes better selfies than you. 

What you see is not what you get

Even after all the calculated risk that you take with each right swipe, you will never know what type of person you will match with. However, these are the categories that they are usually found in,

a) You will meet men with fragile egos.

Be prepared to meet men who will act like they are entitled to your personal details just because you match. This type of man is widely found on Tinder. Hey, you’ve made yourself available on Tinder, which can only mean one thing! These men will feel emasculated if you refuse to give your phone number or even your address. 

I matched with a guy who was decent looking and had a picture of himself with his mother as the first picture. One minute into exchanging ‘hellos’, he wanted to know where I lived, which I did not want to disclose. What followed was, “What are you doing on Tinder? Go back to school and hang out with your classmates!” 

What he meant was I looked half my age, and I wasn’t mad about that! 

Then, there will be men who will persistently ask you for your details even when you have clearly said ‘no’ because they just don’t understand the concept of ‘no’. Show mercy and hit the ‘unmatch’ button, you deserve better than this. 

b) You will meet men who are only looking for hook ups

You will, most definitely, meet men who are only looking for sex. A telltale sign of this is the classy opening line, “What are you here for?” 

Don’t be surprised if you find them hitting the ‘unmatch’ button on you if your reply is, “Not for hook ups” 

This type of men can be dealt with. They know what they want and they don’t want to waste time. Don’t fall for a bio which reads something like, “I am a lawyer and I am looking for my princess.” Do I need to say more? 

c) You will meet over-zealous men

Men who are over excited at the prospect of getting matched will open with bad but harmless lines like, “Let me pout on that pout.” They will send you countless messages and will be quick to ask you out. Don’t be alarmed, they are safe to engage with. However, you will be bored with them all too soon. 

d) You will also meet decent men

Now, this is a rare breed to find and these are ones that you hope to find. You will go through a couple of type A’s and type B’s to get to them. This type of men will hold a conversation. They will talk about your common interests and try to understand what type of person you are. They will take their time in knowing you and you should too. 

Different strokes for different folks 

I used Tinder for about a week. In those seven days, I matched with over 10 men (I lost count after the 10th guy), I chatted with eight men where I hit the ‘unmatch’ button for five of them, I didn’t chat at all with two, and I had unpleasant encounters with two others. Overall experience? Good. Would I do it again? Absolutely not.  

Without trying to sound profound, I have a better understanding of myself after using Tinder. I am an old-fashioned romantic at heart who likes being wooed the old-fashioned way. 

Would I recommend using Tinder? Honestly, it will not hurt to give it a try. However, you are the best judge of where you stand emotionally Understand what you are getting into and know when to disengage without revealing private details. Enjoy Tinder for what it is but be smart. If you want a quick ego boost, Tinder is great for women. If you want something substantial, give it a pass—real connections cannot be built upon fake profiles. 

The author posts as writer.on.the.block on Instagram.