Saturday Features

Comrades no more!

  • Are our comrades really communists? Well, they certainly were when they were starting out, fighting against the Pancheys. But things have changed now
- Guffadi
It’s not like our communists still live in commune and wants everyone want to work in collective farms. Most of them live in mansions, drive around in luxury vehicles and hold investments in property and businesses

Mar 31, 2018-

Our Emperor Prachanda has proven time and again that he is a magician and has unlimited magic tricks up his sleeves. When our experts think that he has lost his way, our great magician comes up with a new trick to surprise us all. 

He had a bromance with Deuba, the same man who had once put a price tag on his head. The only reason for hopping in bed with our Maharaja from Dadeldhura was to help our Renu Didi become the Mayor in Chitwan. Then he switched sides and became besties with Oli so that his party would still remain relevant.  And let us all thank him once again for making his daughter in law a mantri.  

Yes, we need women to be our Mayors and Mantris but there must be more competent and worthy candidates than only your family members. But who cares? As long as the chairman is carrying both the carrot and the stick, it’s his way or the highway!

It doesn’t matter if you are a Panchey, a Kangaroo or a Maoist or anybody. Nepotism runs deep in our blood and afno manchey still takes centre stage rather than ramro manchey. We are still waiting for the day when our politicians finally decide that the best way to take this country forward is by ending corruption and not by taking kickbacks from contractors, asking for extra boras of cash from civil servants for lucrative transfers and promotions and doling out state funds to cousins and cadres. 

We are still waiting for the merger of the two communist parties but it seems that it will take forever for that to happen. Now, our Emperor wants a 50-50 deal instead of what was agreed upon before the election.  

Are our comrades really communists?  Well, they certainly were when they were starting out, fighting against the Pancheys. But things have changed now. Our Emperor needs a big mansion and security tighter than Amriki President because he is so stressed out with all the nataks of the land. Some time ago, he was okay with living with other comrades and eating a few rotis. Now, bidhesi whiskeys and bidhesi agents seem to have taken most of his time.

Look at the UML wallahs. Most of them seem to have interests in our private medical colleges, NGOs and other businesses. Maybe, they seem to have forgotten the commie books they were reading back in the days. I think it’s about time our comrades forgot about Marx, Lenin and Mao. 

Even the Chinese don’t really talk about Mao these days. It’s the era of Xi now. And Lenin and Marx may be superstars for our commies but the young ones know more about Messi than Pele. And it’s about time our comrades honoured Puspa Lal, Man Mohan and Madan Bhandari and maybe add one of the late comrades from the Maoist side as well instead of Marx, Lenin and Mao. Why have old late bidhesi budas hanging on the walls of our comrades?

Our politicians talk about foreign interference and what not but are happy with bideshi faces on their walls. Why not have our own folks, who have sacrificed their lives to fight against the system stare at us in disgust from the walls?

Our comrades are also confused about the election symbol. The UML have their ‘sun’ while our Maoists still want to stick with their hammer and sickle inside a circle. I think our comrades should just consider them opportunists like our Kanagroo, Madhesi and other janjati netas. All our politicians are crooks who only care about how to enrich themselves by looting us all. 

The taskforce assigned to take care of the unity business has put forward the proposal of  having two chairpersons, a 33-member standing committee, a 99-member politburo and a 299-strong central committee. 

Why on earth do you need so many committees and so many people  to run the show? It’ s just a waste of money as you have to order milk tea and samosas every time these clowns meet for no apparent reason.  I think our so-called commies should just get rid of the ‘communist’ model of standing and politburo nataks and just have a lean, mean working machine. Why not just have a central committee of 165 folks representing the constituencies in the House? 

And thanks to the Maoist, the UML is ready to scrap their own ‘above 70’ and you are no longer in the driver seat rule! Why do you still want to stick around after 70? It’s about time, our young politicians in all our political parties fight against the ‘make or break your own rule’  to satisfy a few old men. 

Yes, all political parties should have the ‘70’ rule where once you reach 70, you become a senior mentor and not hold any leadership position in the party. Let the young turks run the show, the old saints should move to Vanarasi or Venice depending on how much you managed to loot from the State.

So let us not get hung up with the ‘communist’ tag. I think our comrades should just call themselves capitalists instead. Our Emperor seems to have business interests in cooking gas, departmental stores and many other businesses across the country. It’s not like our communists still live in commune and want everyone want to work in collective farms. Most of them live in mansions, drive around in luxury vehicles and hold investments in property and businesses. Why are we still being governed by fake communists, socialists and opportunists?  We are all capitalists. Let’s not be afraid to come out of the communist closet and be happy with who we really are! 

Published: 31-03-2018 08:11

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