Saturday Features

Heil Oli!

  • You don’t need to give us trains and ships and no, don’t even think about sending Deuba to Mars. Just give us roads without potholes. Give us affordable healthcare and quality education
- Guffadi

Jul 14, 2018-

It seems that our incompetent government can’t get anything right. We expected Oli and our Emperor to work together to make this country great and make us all prosperous. But it seems that our great comrades had no intention to do anything for the people in the first place. Instead, our comrades were only interested to help their byapari friends while ignoring the demands of the ordinary citizens.

Our government promised to end the ‘syndicate’ system in our transport sector but instead transferred the hakim saheb who wanted to get rid of the ‘transport mafia’ in the country. The mantri who also happens to be the brother-in-law of so-called richest NRN has even called byaparis and assured them that they will not be arrested. That’s how our system works. When a mantri protects chor byaparis then how can honest civil servants take any action against them?

Our Home Minister promised to crack down on slimy contractors but has failed to take action against those who are close to our Emperor and the man in Baluwatar. Instead, our government is busy kidnapping a doctor for not helping our former rebel soldiers get fake medical reports while a Professor is prevented from going abroad for a conference and instead asked to spend a few hours in Baluwatar so that he can miss his flight.

Our Oli government is in a hurry to get rid of all ‘Congressi’ appointees so that they can get their own ‘Communist’ pals on board. After all, most of our government agencies are money making machines for our political parties. So if your cousin is appointed to head any of our government agency then be confident that he or she will have to earn millions for the political parties or else no thulo jobs the next time around.

Our politicians make money from lucrative postings and promotions of our government officials. Our sarkari hakim sahebs who are appointed in the ‘khaney’ places are there not because they are honest and competent but because they have managed to give boras of cash to the mantri’s personal aide (PA). Yes, our mantris do not take bribes personally. Their PAs do the job of taking the money while the mantri only has to sign the file that helps to dole out funds to con artists, government contracts to slimy contractors and lucrative postings and promotions to lazy but loaded civil servants.

Our Oli government doesn’t care about the hunger strikes staged by Dr KC and Ganga Maya because these folks do not matter. The lives of ordinary citizens do not matter to this government. Our Home Minister is busy offering juice to the person who is behind the murder of police personnel in Tikapur while our police wallahs can do nothing but salute the same chors. How will we motivate our civil servants when they know very well that this country is being run by a bunch of pickpockets?

This greatest communist government on earth is not even prepared to deal with the monsoon madness that displaces thousands of families every year. Hundreds of Nepalis lose their lives to floods and landslides every year but our government officials do not prepare our security forces to deal with natural disaster. This government, like the previous ones, is silent when it comes to the flood in the plains.

We know very well that some of the areas could be saved if we had an open communication channel with the Desis across the border. But it seems that our politicians can talk about nationalism and sovereignty all day but are quiet when our border areas are encroached upon and our plains are flooded due to the barrages and embankments across the border. Our politicians lack the courage to face India and work with the Desis to minimise the floods. We could save lives, homes and billions of Rupees in losses if our civil servants met their counterparts across the border to work out a plan to make sure that lives and properties are saved from floods every year.

Now, we finally get to see rafts in Bhaktapur. It’s about time we just flood the streets of Kathmandu and be the ‘Venice’ of the East. We don’t have to breathe in fumes, dust and other harmful particles if our roads turn into canals and instead of the buses and other vehicles we can all take the boats to work every day.

Yes, and we don’t have to worry about traffic jams whenever our dear President has to take a ride out of the President’s House. I think our President, Prime Monster and mantris should not be inaugurating conferences and other silly events. We could save millions of Rupees in chiya kharcha, transportation, fuel and security if we managed to cut down on such ribbon-cutting events for our thulo mancheys.

Instead of spending billions of dollars on fuel and vehicles every year, let us get boats and rafts for the Valley residents. And we could even have a mini hydropower from all the water in the Valley. So, let us all block the drains we have left in the city. Oh! I forgot, most of them are already blocked. Let us be a river city and maybe we can make more money from tourists as well.

Oli is a dreamer. He dreams big. It was all good but now, it seems that Oli and his courtiers want to be dictators as well. Now, that’s not good.  The government that has received the mandate to govern this country for five years has already wasted five months by doing nothing for the people.

Instead, we pay more taxes and we get nothing in return. Oli, you don’t need to give us trains and ships and no, don’t even think about sending Deuba to Mars. Just give us roads without potholes. Give us affordable healthcare and quality education. But do not give us empty dreams while emptying our pockets. Be a leader, not a pickpocket. Be a doer not a freeloader! Heil Oli!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at You may contact him at

Published: 14-07-2018 07:45

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