First, let us all welcome back our great Prime Monster Oli who has had fun visiting New York, taking pictures with Trump and the First Lady. I think our Foreign Ministry wallahs should at least teach our netas how to present themselves when taking pictures. It’s not that hard to smile and show your teeth.

Trump may not be the Amriki President the world expects him to be but he sure does know that when the photographers says ‘cheese’ then you show your pearly whites and not look like a grumpy old man.

Oli must have also learned a thing or two from his visit to Costa Rica. Well, the truth is that our netas don’t learn anything from their foreign trips. They are just happy to waste our taxpayer money and want to visit foreign lands because they get spending money from the state. Oli has been to Bangkok many times for his medical treatment. If he had any common sense then this country would have world-class government-run hospitals. But no, our netas want to award licences to byaparis to open medical schools like folks opening driving centres in the Valley. Yes, it’s all about the money. Byaparis make money. They evade taxes. They pay our netas, civil servants, mundrey gundas and other con artists. All the chors are happy except the common folks who have to bear with pollution, corruption and inflation every year and there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel for now.

Our Emperor visits Singapore a lot nowadays. He even calls up Makune from some five-star hotel in the Lion City. Yes, he will probably ask the State to foot his phone bills as well. But our Emperor has no plans to turn our country into Singapore because if we became like them then our netas and civil servants won’t be able to loot billions of rupees every year from the state, service seekers and contractors. Maybe we should start paying our civil servants and netas tens of millions of rupees in salaries instead, so that we can save billions of rupees from corruption.

Our greatest communist government on Earth has once again proven that it is not only for the contractors and medical mafia but also for sugar byaparis as well. Yes, let us thank our government for making us pay more for sugar. I think the Health Minister should go on TV and tell us that it is a good thing that sugar prices are up because now, we can cut down our sugar intake and maintain our blood sugar level. Then, we don’t have to take medications and can save a few rupees.

Our netas tell us that banning porn will now make our women safer. Yes, we should have certain mechanisms to filter access to such materials for our young ones but banning anything has not really turned out to be successful anywhere. Banning alcohol will not stop people from buying illegal liquor. Banning free speech and right to assembly will not help the government to stay in power for long.

What we need to ban is our netas and thulo mancheys from flying overseas to attend hawa-dari conferences and wasting our taxpayer money. We should ban all vehicles used by our mantris from 10am to 5pm. Yes, our ministers should be at the office before ten and leave for their mantri quarter after five, instead of acting like a bully on the road with sirens blazing and security personnel driving the vehicles as if they are drunk.

Our Oli government is getting too big for its boots because it boasts a two-third majority in the House. They feel that they are now invincible and can just walk over everyone, from the opposition to the common folks, and can get away with it. This government stops people from flying abroad to attend conferences because they have opposing views. This government now wants all of us to seek approval from our ward offices whenever we visit foreign lands so that we can prove that we have the financial capacity to go abroad. But if the law is equal to all regardless of those in power and the common folks then our chor netas should seek approval to visit foreign lands as well. Maybe the President can be the one to approve such visits but we have a President who pardons convicted murderers but cannot speak against the violence against young girls and women in this country. Madam President, please tell the Oli government to act against those who commit such heinous crimes against women. Please use your authority to straighten up this government because you may enjoy all the perks for now but history will judge you differently.

But our politicians and thulo mancheys are a different lot. They are not like you and me. We hold grudges for at least two or three generations just because your uncle decided to encroach a foot of your father’s land. But learn something from our chor netas. They may act like they are sworn enemies in public. They will talk bad about India in public. They will tell us that they are all for zero corruption in public. But when they are together behind closed doors, they are the ones who will embrace each other and enjoy bideshi whiskey, marry off their kids to each others’ as if they are forging alliances in the Middle Ages, and will bow down to a mid-level officer from the Indian Embassy begging for their kids’ scholarships to medical schools in India.

And what about corruption? Well, the whole country seems to know how much our former Army Chief made when in office. We all know how much Sujata Auntie and others made from the APC natak with Nepal Police. We all know where Prachanda has invested his money. We all know how our netas groom mundrey gundas to win elections and carry out other dirty works. If we were to judge a government on its corruption record, don’t look far, just look at the hakim sahebs they appoint in paisa-kamauney government agencies. This government has once again appointed the same corrupt man to head the Nepal Telecommunications Authority. And our Oli government fires the first woman to head Nepal Telecom. Go figure!

This land is not for children and women but for old fogies who, on their death bed, still want to loot us all and drown this country. Oli tells us that we were poor before this government came to power. Our roads were all broken down and Oli should not be blamed for all the problems. He is right but at least, you can fix the problems instead of making it worse by only working for the contractors and other con artists. Why favour the rich and that too, those who have earned it through illegal means instead of hard work while strangling the poor? We were supposed to have the greatest communist government on Earth. The country voted for the communists hoping that our lives would be a little better than before. But we were wrong. This is probably the worst government ever in the history of Nepal. Dear comrades, you still have more than a thousand days to make it right. It’s about time you did what is right instead of bullying us all with your might. Oli, look back at the fourteen years you spent in prison fighting against the Pancheys. Was it all some natak so that one day, you could be just like them, or has power corrupted you just like those before you?

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at [email protected]