Saturday Features

Bam Dev for President

  • He once again wants to be a mantri. It seems that our old fogies want the kurchi till they drop dead
- Guffadi

Oct 13, 2018-

Bam Dev is an unlucky man. While his friends and foes won elections left and right, our man lost because of what you call political conspiracies. Yes this is the land of conspiracies where our thulo mancheys pull each others’ legs to get to power. It’s all about making money, misusing one’s authority to exploit the people, the resources of the State and empty the national coffer. It seems that the only reason folks join politics is to make money. Our netas have forgotten that politics is public service. Here in this land, our netas think that the public owes them everything and this land is their private property where they can do whatever they want and get away with it.

Yes, whenever things go bad, either you blame your own party comrades, the other guys or foreign hands. If you can’t blame them all then blame the voters but never blame yourself for your failure. And if you are our Prime Monster then blame the country for broken roads, poverty, corruption and all the mess we have in our land. He tells us that it was already broken and why are folks hell bent on criticising such a great government? Well, our netas only know how to break stuff. They know how to destroy public property. Our Oli government wants to cut down trees worth billions of dollars in the name of building an international airport. Except for the media and those who want to save our environment, most of us are not even interested to find out why our netas want to destroy the environment in the name of development?

Oli tells us that he didn’t start the fire. It was burning all along and he will rather add oil to it rather than figuring out a way to stop the fire from burning the whole country down. You cannot criticise this government. You cannot tell Oli and his courtiers to do the right thing because we now live in Oli-land where freedom of speech is out of the window. If you criticise this government then don’t be surprised if you are denied boarding on your way to Thailand for Dashain vacation.

Bam Dev once again wants to be a mantri. It seems that our old fogies want the kursi till they drop dead. They never think about retiring from politics or becoming a senior mentor and letting the young turks take over their political parties. Prachanda has been running the show for his Mao Inc. since the 90s and now he is the co-chairperson of the greatest communist party on Earth. Makune, Jhallu Dai, Oli and Bam Dev are the big sharks and have been leading the show for decades. Nobody wants to leave town and write their memoir and spend the rest of their lives giving speeches inspiring young comrades to do the right thing. If our netas wrote their memoirs then they would just write about how they sacrificed everything to make Nepal peaceful and prosperous. And the reality is that only our netas, civil servants and contractors have gotten rich in this land while the rest of us have to cut down on sugar in our tea and probably go vegetarian because we can’t afford to eat Khasi. Maybe, it’s a good thing that our thulo mancheys do want us to lead a healthy lifestyle instead.

Of course, like most of the senior netas of our major political parties, Bam Dev too wants to at least spend a night in Baluwatar some day before his time is up. He wanted some guy to resign from his seat in Kathmandu so he could contest the election again and probably win and become a lawmaker then our deputy Prime Monster and once again our Home Minister when Prachanda moves to Baluwatar.  But I guess his master plan has failed as he has backed off due to criticism from all quarters. Our Election Commission (EC) wallahs would have to spend Karods of Rupees to hold the election in Kathmandu so that Bam Dev could finally enter the House.

Maybe, our greatest communist government on Earth should make Bam Dev happy by making him our President. Yes, anything is possible in politics. Bam Dev could be our President and maybe he will at least speak about the violence against women in this land of ours unlike our current Madame who seems to be too busy cutting ribbons and giving speeches in conferences rather than being our guardian.

I think it’s about time our EC wallahs made it mandatory for only those residents registered in the same constituency to stand up for election from that constituency. If the rule applies for our local wards then why not for those contesting elections for the federal parliament? We have folks from the Far West representing a constituency from the Central Region. Will the guy from Jhapa really have any loyalty or even feel for the people in Jhamsikhel? I think the woman from Jhapa should stand up for election from her own constituency and help the people there instead. Let us all feel sorry for Bam Dev for now. All his batch mates have become Prime Monsters. If the man can’t live in Baluwatar then at least move him to Maharajgunj and let him enjoy the perks. After all, this is the time to loot us all because there is nobody to stop our chors!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Published: 13-10-2018 08:25

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