Heads and Tales: Oli is back!

- Guffadi, Kathmandu

May 17, 2019-

Let us hope that Oli Ba is refreshed after more than a week long vacation in Vietnam and Cambodia. I think he could have saved us millions of rupees if he had just booked his  ticket with one of our travel agencies in town that offer vacation packages for ASEAN countries. We know we have made it only when our loafers fly Economy and take less than a dozen people when travelling overseas on so-called official visits.

Our President got done visiting China a few weeks ago and now Oli is back in town after wasting our taxpayers money. Our netas think that they need to travel to foreign lands to show that they are thulo mancheys. Why can’t our President do a nation-wide tour and visit all of our districts. Yes, spend a year outside the valley so that we don’t have to whine and honk whenever she heads to the airport or any other ribbon-cutting ceremonies in town.

I think it’s about time we send our Vice President Nanda Dai abroad as well. Let the man enjoy some time with his family in Singapore or Thailand or even Maldives or Mauritius. After all, our Vice President is the only VVIP who sought treatment at home for his illness rather than wasting millions of Rupees abroad. But we know what kind of a person our VP is. The man would rather go to Dolpa and spend a week there instead of going to foreign lands. Maybe Nanda Dai should be our President next time. And after Nanda Dai’s tenure then our politicians should do us a favour by making sure that we have a President we can look up to and be proud of. Kami Rita Sherpa could be our President then. Yes, then we will have world leaders coming to meet him in Nepal to shake his hands rather than our President begging for invitation to foreign lands to attend conferences where a presence of a mid-level government official is enough.

Well, so why did Oli visit Vietnam and Cambodia instead of the Vatican and Chile? Why Vatican? Well, he could be the first PM to meet the Pope and it could be a good time to promote Visit Nepal 2020 among the 1.2 billion Roman Catholics. And then visit Mecca and promote Nepal to 1.8 billion Muslims. I think it would be best if Oli should just go on a world tour and visit all the countries in the world and help to finish Nepal Tourism Board’s hefty budget. And what about Chile? Well, we could learn from them about strong building codes and how to have buildings still standing up and minimising loss of lives during major earthquakes.

And let us not worry about our country not having a PM at home for a year because this land has been functioning on auto-pilot for the past decade and it doesn’t make any difference if no one is home at Baluwatar. It doesn’t make any difference to us if Oli, Prachanda or Deuba or a fortune teller from Ratnapark lives in Baluawatar. We have yet to have a PM who wants to lead this country because most of the folks who have lived in Baluwatar have been led by civil servants, contractors and cadres.

Oli tells us that he visited Vietnam and Cambodia because he wants to see for himself how these two countries have been doing great lately. But politicians are pathological liars. If you ask the real Oli then the reason he’d offer is he dreams of the political system set up there. Vietnam is a Marxist-Leninist one-party state. In Vietnam, the Communist Party is the only political party legally allowed to have some fun. Oli dreams of his party being the only circus company allowed to entertain us. But I think Oli forgets that his party may be communist but he is a democratically elected PM and the last time we had a one-party state was thirty years ago. So, maybe, it’s time we got done with the current system as well. We have seen the Monarchy and the Mandaleys and we were not happy with them. We have seen the morons and they have looted more than our Rana uncles did. Yes, the Shree Tins had all the fun then but at least built the palaces for themselves. If not for them, then our President would today be living in a hut and our government offices would be out there in the fields. Well, the Shree Tins didn’t do much for the country apart from the palaces. At least during the time of the Pancheys, we had a brick factory, a cement factory, a churot factory, trolley bus and Sajha bus running its network all over the country and our national carrier used to fly to London and Frankfurt. Our morons couldn’t even give us a new national stadium and we had to do with the old Panchey-made stadium and it is still under renovation since the Earthquake. So, we have seen the Ranas, we have seen the Shahs and we have seen our freeloaders. What do we want to see next? Our Maoist and Madhesi netas weren’t any good either.

And Oli thinks he can learn a thing or two from Cambodia. Well, the only thing “Lord Prime Minister, Supreme Military Commander Hun Sen” can teach Oli or our fellow communist is how to stay in power for three decades and continue to have fun. After all, Cambodia is a one-party dominant state. Yes, Oli’s dream is our national nightmare. Oli will not be around in thirty years but he thinks he will be around forever. He is not a Satya Mohan Joshi. We are a Kakistocracy where this land is ruled by the least qualified and shameless buffoons. If we were a democracy then Joshi would be our President now.

And if our media wallahs have to pay millions in fines and spend decades in jail for writing the truth then what does our government propose for the clowns who have been spewing lies and selling this country to the highest bidder? Well, just ask Pathak, our former CIAA commissioner and many of those who have managed to become judges, ambassadors and hakim sahebs in government agencies to figure out how our netas reward the traitors and want to jail the patriots. If we do not stand up now, then our human rights, freedom of press and everything our martyrs fought for will be lost.

Oli wants to be a Hun Sen. He can’t be because in a year, our comrades will break up and our Emperor will probably make a deal with Deuba and it’s once again the same old natak for us to enjoy.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at You may contact him at

Published: 18-05-2019 07:30

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