Print Edition - 2015-01-24  |  On Saturday

Musical chairs

  • Our cricket team will most likely participate in the World Cup by 2020 but we can’t say for sure whether we will have a constitution by then
- Guffadi
Musical chairs

Jan 23, 2015-

While our clowns are making a fool of themselves by resorting to daang doong inside the CA hall, our cricketers are making us proud by inching closer to the ICC World Cup League Division I. It would have been nice if our clowns had sorted out their differences over a game of cricket instead of throwing chairs around the CA Hall.

We should ask Paras Khadka to give a motivational speech to our Constipated Assembly (CA) members once he and his lads come back home. Our cricket team will most likely participate in the World Cup by 2020 but we can’t say for sure whether we will have a constitution by then. Our cricketers could certainly teach our con artists how to work as a team instead of going on a rampage and acting like juvenile delinquents.

I think we should ask our Nepal Police to provide riot gear to all CA members and one laathi each as well. Let our clowns battle it out with each other while we stay home, eat badam and suntala while enjoying the rampage live on TV.

Our Emperor and Dr Saheb have both become our Prime Monsters and they should have known better. Instead of resorting to acts of vandalism, they should have camped outside the CA building and maybe prevented anyone from going inside. A week-long BBQ party with dancing and singing would have been more enjoyable for everyone instead of bandas and other bakwaas nataks.

Umesh Kumar Yadav, our CA member from the UCPN (Maoists) should be awarded the ‘Strongest CA Member’ title for throwing the chairs around like a wild man. Our government should pay his airfare to participate in ‘The World’s Strongest Man’ competition. Who knows, Yadav could bring home a medal and make us all proud. After all, he desperately needs an outlet to vent his anger.

Our buffoons managed to break chairs, hurl microphones and smash tables and TVs while they shouted slogans against the ruling parties. And on top of that, our cadres managed to burn vehicles across the country.  A taxi driver in Lalitpur was nearly burned alive. Why do our political parties target innocent hardworking folks instead of just shutting down Singha Durbar?

They tell us that the damage at the CA Hall is around Rs 3 million. I think we need to ask the CIAA to do the math. Maybe some of our civil servants want to make some extra money by inflating the cost of the damages. A few broken mics, chairs and tables do not cost millions of rupees unless it was imported from the Middle East, where the Sheiks like everything in gold.

I think it would be better if we just got rid of all the chairs, tables and microphones and placed yoga mats all over the CA Hall. The CA Chairman could begin the session by requesting all members to do the Surya Namaskara.

Instead of meeting at midnight, when everyone is grumpy, the CA members should meet early in the morning on an empty stomach. Then, they would probably agree to almost anything because everyone would want to fill their tummy with some food at the earliest rather than resorting to shouting slogans. And we won’t have to worry about vandalism because no one would have the energy to run around wild when their blood sugar level is low.

The bideshis have now issued travel alerts requesting their citizens to be careful if they are traveling to Nepal. Our incompetent government should also issue ‘visa’ alerts requesting all Nepalis to not make the bideshis a few dollars or pounds richer by applying for student and tourist visas to Australia, Canada, the United Kingdom and Amrika.  

Most of our visa applications are rejected and we still continue to apply for visas to the West. I think our bideshi embassies should at least return some of the money if one does not get a visa, instead of extorting hundreds of dollars just to have a glance at the applications.

I think we should also charge tourist fees like the Bhutanese do and maybe we will have more civilised tourists who can afford to pay more rather than the ones who seem to enjoy Nepal for less than US$5 per day and act like savages. I think tourists from these Western countries should be made aware that we only target our own folks while we let the blue-plated wallahs and tourist buses ply on the road during bandas.  

CA Part II still has three years to go and there will be more looting of the state treasury. Our clowns only want to be mini-sinisters and make some dough.  KP Oli wants to be our Prime Monster while Sushil Da, our President. How about organising a game of musical chairs for our top leaders? The top two finishers can then decide whether they want to live in Baluwatar or Maharjgunj.

At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter if we have a constitution or not. We all have to go to work, pay our bills and hope for a better future while our clowns don’t have to work, their bills get paid by the state and they just want to loot everything today, as if there is no tomorrow.  Let us forget about the constitution and focus on cricket instead. When our lads return home, let’s give them a heroes’ welcome.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Published: 24-01-2015 09:07

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