Print Edition - 2015-04-11  |  On Saturday

Happy New Year!

  • We all know that our clowns will not compromise at all. And after the New Year, we will see another round of protests by our opposition wallahs. Our opposition wallahs need a bigger dhamaka now. We have seen the mass rallies. We have seen the banda natak.
- Guffadi
Happy New Year!

Apr 10, 2015-

Let us all thank our Emperor and his friends for only shutting down the country for a day instead of going for a three-day banda. Some of our Madhesi and Janjati parties were not too happy with the decision to call off the strike. I guess some of our political parties still don’t get it. We, the common citizens, are really tired of our political pirates shutting down the country.  We might not have enough courage to stand up against the bandas yet, but the day will come when we can’t take it anymore. Please don’t underestimate the power of the common citizens.

Why do our political parties think that shutting down the country will help them with their cause? Bandas not only make our lives miserable but also cost our national economy billions of rupees per day. But of course, our clowns don’t care because they are not ones who have to go to work every day and provide for their families on meagre salaries.

Our clowns get to loot the state treasury. Our clowns waste our taxpayers’ money on their medical treatments abroad. Our clowns provide funds to their cadres for so-called development projects. The projects do not bring development anywhere but only develop the bellies of their well-wishers.

I think our political parties should think of new creative ideas to create awareness about their protest programmes, instead of just shutting down the country and vandalising vehicles and lashing out at innocent folks.

Our political parties should take responsibility when their cadres burn vehicles. It would be nice if our Emperor personally compensated the taxi driver whose cab was burned during the banda. After all, he is the only neta who has more money and muscles than the rest of the clowns.

Instead of bandas, our political parties should hire musical bands and invite all the citizens for a day of dancing and singing. Our political cadres can make momos, pani puris and sodas and sell them to the general public. That would certainly be a more honest and entertaining way of raising funds for your party, instead of just extorting from our byaparis.

Yes, let’s have a carnival like the Brazilians, but of course without the Samba, unless our Kollywood superstar Rekha Thapa wants to show her dance moves with the Emperor again.

Our Emperor cannot win the hearts and the minds of the people with the usual banda nataks. Why not shoot a YouTube video bobbing your head to the song for the upcoming Nepali movie Resham Filili?

 It would be nice if our Emperor, Dr Saheb and his friends all joined in the fun and showed us all that they too knew how to have fun instead of just coming up with the same old dialogue of threatening to bring hell down upon this beautiful land of ours. Well, we are already living in a hellhole. It can’t get worse than this. We have shortages of everything. Our byaparis raise their prices every year and continue to sell us adulterated products. Everything goes up except our wages. Millions of our young are forced to go overseas because our incompetent government can’t provide either employment or a conducive environment to develop entrepreneurs.

Our current polygamist Crown Prince is back to updating his Facebook status with the usual guff-suff. Junior tells us that it was against the will of the cadres to call off the banda. Well, he should thank the stars above that he is having all the fun because his daddy is the big boss. I think he should just sit down for some coffee with our former Crown Prince and listen to him and get some advice on what not to do to lose the respect of the common folks. We wish both of them well and hope they will be man enough to admit their mistakes, repent and join in the campaign to clean the Bagmati River.

The Nepali New Year is around the corner and our clowns tell us that they will make maximum efforts to resolve the disputed issues just before the clock strikes twelve. Well, the only time our clowns make any effort is when they agree to distribute the loot from the state treasury amongst themselves.

We seriously need someone to mediate between our clowns. Or maybe we just need to send them for a weeklong meditation class. Maybe a week of silence will help to clear their minds from all the evil thoughts they seem to have of ruining this country.

We all know that our clowns will not compromise at all. And after the New Year, we will see another round of protests by our opposition wallahs. It will, after all, be time for the third phase of the protest programmes. Let’s hope our Emperor has some magic tricks left in him. Our opposition wallahs need a bigger dhamaka now. We have seen the mass rallies. We have seen the banda natak. What’s next? Well, just occupy Singha Durbar and leave us alone to go on with our daily lives.

We know that 2072 BS will not be a good year for us. Our clowns can’t deliver the new constitution in a few months or even a few years—maybe not even for another decade. I think the best option for the good of this country would be to leave the constitution-writing process to the young leaders of the respective political parties.

The dirty old men should take a bath in the Bagmati and head to Banaras and be hermits instead of being termites and destroying the foundation of this country. If Banaras is not a viable option then go to Bodh Gaya or Bethlehem or Burkina Faso. Please, just go away anywhere across the border, and allow us to live in peace!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

 

Published: 11-04-2015 08:55

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