Let us all stand up and give a round of applause to our honourable Prime Monster KP Oli for making history by inducting six Deputy Prime Monsters in his cabinet. This is probably the most inclusive cabinet in the history of Nepali politics. It’s good to have Mandaleys, Madhesis, Maoists, Mundreys and other Morons getting free rides, housing and chiya kharcha. Most of our politicians think that’s enough, as they do not think women, the differently-abled and members of  the indigenous and marginalised communities are good enough to be ministers. Well, we have a women President and at least our VP is a man who refused to seek medical treatment abroad even when both of his kidneys were failing. 

The good men and women as usual do not get to be ministers. Those who can loot the state treasury and extort from contractors will get the kursi. I think it would be in the best interest of the country if Oli could also invite our Madhesi and Tharu politicians and make them Deputy Prime Monsters as well. Yes, we need to offer some carrots because it seems that our protesters have the sticks.

Instead of being serious and holding meaningful talks with our Madhesi and Tharu politicians to resolve the current crisis, our incompetent government has been busy trying to figure out how to make everyone on the bandwagon happy when it comes to distributing ministerial portfolios.Why not have a Mumbo Jumbo cabinet and beat the Sri Lankans?  Let us have 40 ministers, 40 state ministers and 40 deputy ministers and have our name in the Guinness Book of World Records. Let us even invite our Kangaroos to be part of the ‘looting’ game. 

I think it’s time Gagan Thapa became a minister. Apart from the ‘I support (late) Ghaite’ fiasco, he seems to be quite ready to be a mantri. It seems that he is destined to be a minister but we don’t know when. It will probably happen at the same time when Prince ‘Big Ears’ becomes the King of England. But then Charles might just get off at the train station and let his son be the King. If only Gyanu Uncle and his yes-men had learned a thing or two from the British monarchy, then he would still be hanging out at Narayanhiti. It would be nice to see Gagan becoming a mantri some day, but let’s hope he doesn’t go around supporting mundreys just because they are his in-laws.

I think Oli should visit the Sri Lankan Embassy and ask the ambassador for some tips when it comes to the cabinet enlargement formula. Do not meet up with the Desi ambassador. He will only ask for fuel from the No Oil Corporation (NOC). If you must meet him for chiya guff then offer him a bottle of laxatives so that he can send it to Delhi and our Modi Bhai can take a sip and hopefully clear the current blockade. Modi has both the carrots and the sticks to make sure our Madhesi netas pack up and leave the no man’s land area between India and Nepal.

Poor Kangaroos! They are left with nothing so they do want their own con artist to be the CEO of our National Reconstruction Authority (NRA). Why find ways to siphon off billions of rupees when you can do so in dollars? Our politicians seem to forget that we were hit by the Big One six months ago. Hundreds of thousands of our people are still forced to live in tents and tarps instead of proper houses. The monsoon came and went and winter is here. Our incompetent government and civil servants seem to have no empathy at all. Our buffoons don’t have any common sense either. And for the past few months, we have been suffering from shortages of everything, thanks to our great Madhesi and Tharu protestors, with a little help from our friends from across the border. Dashain was bland and so will be Tihar. But let us all celebrate Chhath like the world will end tomorrow because it might. 

Well, Russia wants to play some futsal in Syria. The Amrikans want to have some fun as well and before we know it we might have a World War III. The Chinese want to see how far their missiles can reach and before we know it, Lil’ Kim will 

want to play some ping pong in Seoul and there we have it, the beginning of the end. No, I am not trying to scare anyone, as if I have the power to do so.  But at least, we will have something more to talk about in chiya pasals as we bitch about the current crisis, call our politicians names and become poet warriors by trying to rhyme everything with Modi and talking about how some French guy predicted that World War III will start from the Middle East. If it doesn’t then we have no choice but to make sure that we keep ourselves warm this winter and have enough wood to enjoy the bonfire. I think folks in the Valley should show our Madhesi netas that we 

support the Madhesi and Tharu folks but not the pickpockets who enjoyed their ‘looting spree’ as government ministers earlier. Let us celebrate Chhatt like never before. Rajendra Mahato and his fellow hatemongers can take a hike. Our incompetent government, politicians and civil servants should join them as well. I think our Indian Embassy can offer all of them an all-India tour package that will last a decade. 

After all, it seems most of the near and dear ones of our politicians and civil servants are attending colleges in India on scholarships with great help from the Indian Embassy. Why can’t the Indian Embassy come up with a gift hamper for all of our crooked clowns as well? Well, the only folks who seem to be creating obstacles when it comes to generating thousands of MW of electricity in this land of ours seem to be our politicians and civil servants. If only our netas and hakim sahebs were smart then they would be allowing the Dumpling and Dosa gang to start a hydropower race on who will build more hydropower plants in our land.  It seems that there is nothing wrong when public or private land can be leased out for 30 years to shopping complex developers, whereas we can’t do the same for our hydropower projects. That would be better than trying to sell the whole country to the highest bidder!Why do we need a government and bureaucrats when they can’t even fulfill our basic needs? We are left to fend for ourselves and we seem to be okay with that. Why do we have to pay taxes only to feed our civil servants and fund the luxurious lives of our politicians? I think it’s about time we came to our senses. It’s time to take a stand. Should we just let our politicians enjoy the good life while we face shortages of everything? Or should we stand up and make sure that these crooks don’t get to roll over us again and again while we slowly starve to death? At least comrade Biplab is waiting for Tihar to end so that he and his crew can begin their shutdown programmes to protest the shutdown by our folks in the plains. What an idea, Sirji!Dear comrade, if you really feel for the people, then get all the trucks, go to the border and bring us some fuel and cooking gas so that we can at least visit our brothers and sisters during Bhai Tika and add on some calories this Tihar. And we can burn our calories later when we join your protest programmes.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at [email protected]