In a snowy city, far away from home, love doesn’t come in forms that we crave for 

Tushar Subedi

Embassy of Nepal

Paris, France

1998

“……..Miss, would you please stop crying, and tell me what happened exactly?” the attaché in the Nepalese Embassy asked Aarati in a polite tone. Aarati wiped the tears off her cheeks with her left hand, and lifted her head to face Mr Prabhat—the attaché. They were seated across an oval table which had two glasses of lukewarm water on it. It was mid-January, and the streets of Paris were covered with a thin layer of snow.

                                                                                                          ***

Aarati had first come to France for her undergraduate studies in 1996. Thousands of miles away from her home, Nepal, she was fascinated by the bustling city that was Paris—the City of Love. She was into her late teens, but had never been in love.

On her first day of college, Aarati was about to head towards her rented room a couple of blocks away from the campus when someone called out her name, albeit incorrectly. 

She turned around, and saw it was Céline, a girl from her class.

                                                                                                        ***

It already had been over a year since she had landed on French soil. It was a warm sunny day. Fluffy clouds were floating in the clear blue sky.

The two girls had turned into very good friends in no time.

“Beautiful day, isn’t it?” said Céline, quickly turning her face towards Aarati who was staring blankly at the clouds.

“It is. The sky looks lovely”, replied Aarati.

Céline had invited Aarati to her home that day. Céline was the only child to her parents. Her father had passed away when she was just three. Her widowed mother had then married someone else. She lived with her mother and step-father. 

Céline was a lonely soul. She didn’t have many friends, neither in school nor otherwise. She kept herself locked in her room most of the time, and barely talked. She was different from the rest of the children from her early childhood. It was only when she was into her early teenage  years that she began to figure out some of the things that were different about her. She had no particular affinity towards boys. It was weird, even for her, let alone her friends and family. Afraid of being rejected by everyone, she had kept it to herself. 

 In fact, this was the first time in her life that Céline was actually happy—in Aarati’s company. Unaware of Celine’s buried secrets, Aarati had no idea that her life was going to change forever. Céline cared a lot for Aarati. She would call the Student Community House, and ask for Aarati almost every day. She would help Aarati in every possible way. Every night, she longed for the sun to shine into another day so that she could see Aarati again. She was even envious of the boys when Aarati would talk to them in class. 

Aarati had no such feelings for Céline. She liked Céline and was grateful to all that she had done for her, but she didn’t have the slightest of clue about Céline’s feelings for her. Until the day came when things started to fall apart.

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Céline: “Aarati, could you please stay a bit longer here in college after the class?”

Aarati: “Um... I can. What is it about?”

Céline: “ I need to tell you something.”

Throughout the day, Aarati thought about what Céline wanted to tell her.

 After classes were over, Céline and Aarati were the only ones left in the room. Céline was full of love, full of hope that she had found her better half in Aarati; she was the only thing Céline cared about in the whole world.

Céline: “Aarati!”

Aarati: “Yes!”

Céline: “Umm... There’s something about me that you should know. Actually, you are the first one that I am going to open up to.”

Aarati: “Hey...is anything wrong, Céline? Tell me.”

Aarati held Céline’s hands.

Céline looked up into Aarati’s face, and started crying. 

Aarati: “Are you okay? Please tell me. Don’t cry.”

Céline then poured her heart out about her dark childhood; about how 

she had been abused sexually by her stepfather. Upon hearing this from Céline, Aarati’s heart grew heavy. She had a lump in her throat. She hugged Céline. She tried to say something, but couldn’t utter a word. 

Céline: “There’s one more thing I need to tell you Aarati.”

“Sure…..”, said Aarati.

Céline then opened up her bag, and took out a bouquet of flowers. She handed it to Aarati, and said: 

“Je vous aime! I love you. “

“I have always loved you since we first met. Aarati, I should have told you about this earlier, but I just couldn’t. Because I am different, I have my fears of rejection. But love transcends all the boundaries, doesn’t it, Aarati? Boundaries of space and time, life and death, gender and race. You have lightened up this dark heart of mine. Will you please ……..”

Aarati stood up, and walked away before Celine could finish. She ran….ran…ran…

It was midnight already. Aarati couldn’t fall asleep that night. Céline’s words just kept echoing in her head. Where Aarati came from, the society could never understand the love Céline was talking about. But then there was this soft corner in her heart that felt sorry for Céline and her past. She couldn’t stop her tears. Days passed by, but Céline didn’t receive a word from Aarati. Neither of them attended college. Céline regretted what she had done, and thought she had gambled her friendship for love. She would eventually go into the deep labyrinths of depression. 

Not long after Céline was rushed to an intensive care unit. She had taken a blade and slashed her wrists. The doctors admitted that she had a very slim chance of surviving. Céline’s mother found a letter which Céline had written to Aarati before she cut herself.  It said Céline had no hope for life since Aarati didn’t feel her love, and that she would still love Aarati with all her heart even after she was free from the bonds of life. News spread and reached Aarati. It was mid-January and snowing. She hurried towards the hospital, but it was too late. Céline was gone. Aarati cried her eyes out seeing Céline’s lifeless body. Céline’s mother, in great grief, however, held Aarati responsible for her daughter’s death, and told Aarati that if she had come back to her, and talked about it, Céline would still be alive. She even threatened Aarati that she would go to police. Scared, regretful, grievously hurt, Aarati left the hospital. She went straight to the Nepali Embassy. 

 “……..Miss, please. You need to stop crying and tell me what it is about”, Mr Prabhat spoke softly. Aarati told him everything, sobbing throughout the time she spoke. Mr Prabhat assured her that she didn’t need to worry about anything—she had done nothing illegal and would not end up in prison. 

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Feb 14, 2009

Basantapur, Kathmandu 

Those accustomed to associating Valentine’s Day with red roses and red hearts had to readjust on Saturday when the heart of Kathmandu turned pink to celebrate a day that has more to it than just romance. Dozens of homosexual couples, lesbians and transgenders gathered at the Basantapur Durbar Square in Kathmandu, one of the capital’s most prominent public places to celebrate the Pink Triangle Day. 

A decade had passed, but Aarati still couldn’t forgive herself. She was a married woman, a mother of two kids, but her past came crawling in, at nights like the starlit shadows, and she would cry the whole night. She had bought a bouquet of flowers from the florist for the celebration at Basantapur. She held the bouquet in her arms, and looked to the skies—fluffy clouds floating, and saw Céline smile.

The card in the bouquet read: 

But love transcends all the boundaries—boundaries of space and time, life and death, gender and race. With love to Céline !

~ Aarati