Sher Bahadur Deuba is the new President of our country’s oldest circus company. Our three-time Prime Monster defeated Ramu Dada, who had earlier tried for 17th time to be PM and had failed miserably. Krishna Sitauala should be given the most valuable award for ‘time-wasting’.

Our own Lord Krishna knew that he didn’t have enough supporters, yet he just wanted to stand up for election because he had nothing better to do and waste more time so that the Kangaroos could go for a second round of voting.

The Kangaroos made a joke of themselves by choosing ‘pani tankies’ instead of electronic voting machines. If they had chosen the EVMs then the results of the election for Central Working Committee (CWC) members would be out in minutes after the election. But no, they had to go the ‘old’ way and 90 candidates had to have their representatives in the room to make sure that nobody swallowed or stole the ballot papers. And now, it will probably take another week or so to find out who gets to be in the CWC.

After nearly two decades, the Kangaroos have a non-Koirala President. It’s a good thing too or else we would have to rename the party as ‘Koirala Family Football Club’. But still, a Koirala has won and he gets to be the General Secretary. Let’s hope that our eye specialist will do more good for the party his father founded and lead them, instead of promoting factionalism in the party like everyone else.

The Kangaroos have a lady as the Treasurer. I think women are better at managing money than men. Let us hope that she will keep the party books right and submit financial reports on time to our Election Commission. The party tells us that they spent four karods for their general convention while the candidates fighting the election probably spent 10 times more. After all, our politicians vote not for the best candidate but for those who can provide the notes. If you roll out the cash, you get the votes: be it your own party elections or national elections or any other elections like in business, social and even sports organisations. Just ask Ganesh Thapa how it’s done!

Deuba considers himself a ‘Youth’ leader.  It seems that ‘70’ is the new ‘40’ in Nepali politics and that means Gagan Thapa is only 10 years old in Congressi Years. He might have to wait another decade before he finally gets to be our General Secretary and another decade more before he gets to head the party. Most of our young folks had hoped for more from Thapa but since the ‘Ghaite’ scandal, he has shown his true colours like every other politician in this land.

After all, our politicians need mundreys but when mundreys get too big for their boots then our Nepal Police shoot them. Yes, you can’t just kill somebody just because you wear the uniform but you also can’t just keep on supporting mundreys who like to extort, abduct and even kill folks who don’t pay them off and then not expect them to face the music later on. Even our PM Oli was once seen visiting the late don ‘Chari’. I guess that really sums up the whole mundrey-neta relationship in Nepali politics.

Deuba did a ‘Special Puja’ at Pashupatinath after he won the election for party president. And he will probably conduct a ‘Maha Yagya’ when he gets to Baluwatar again. Yes, don’t be surprised if he becomes our Prime Monster for the fourth time. Anything is possible in Nepali politics. The man who gave the orders to shoot at the protesters during the Jana Andolan-2 is now our Deputy Prime Minister. As a foreign minister as well, he gets to travel around the world and enjoy some shopping at the expense of the state.  

Deuba’s speech impediment has not hurt his political career. Yes, we never really understand what he says but his cadres, cousins, and opponents seem to have no problem understanding him. After all, Deuba is good at making everyone happy, be it Pajeros, foreign trips or anything that will help him to stay in power.

So if Gagan Thapa wants to be the party head in 2036 AD then he should start now. Instead of thinking before speaking, just blurt out gibberish and confuse the journalists asking the questions. But make sure you keep your cadres and those needed to win elections happy.

Offer them meals, deals and wheels and you will get ahead; if not, just stay home and if the time is right, you can always break away from the mother party, open your own football club then merge your club with the old and then wait for a decade or two and take over. It’s the ‘Deuba’ formula and it also works in other political parties as well.

It’s been over a month since the end of the so-called border blockade but we still can’t get cooking gas. Nepal Oli Corporation (NOC) is more than happy to allow Birat Petroleum to sell fuel for Rs 130 while NOC is selling its fuel for Rs 99 only.

I guess we should allow the Birat wallahs to sell cooking gas as well. We paid six times more for cooking gas during the blockade. I guess most of us won’t mind just paying 30 percent more. I guess our mantri saheb is happy to make Karods from both NOC and Birat while the public has no choice but to line up at the gas retailers and pray that they will get a cylinder or two.

And whatever happened to our load shedding hours going down by two hours after importing 80 MW of electricity from India?  We just don’t know where our fuel, cooking gas and electricity disappear in this land ruled by pickpockets, do we?

Oli is planning to visit China next week. Good for him. He should be out of the country every other week and make sure that his diplomatic passport is filled up before he leaves Baluwatar.

Once again, let us congratulate Deuba for his victory. He has promised to work towards resolving the ‘Madhes Crisis’. Please don’t. This is the same clown, whose idea of resolving the ‘Maoist Crisis’ then was using more force and coming up with new laws to violate everyone’s human rights and of course getting thirty million dollars from Bush and then helping his dear ones get some commission on all those arms brought in from foreign lands. He is not the only corrupt clown in town. Let us not only blame him for having fun while in power. They are all the same and it’s such a shame that this country of hardworking and honest people is ruled by incompetent, lazy and immoral parasites.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. Contact him at [email protected]