Be a support system

- Post Report, Kathmandu

Mar 22, 2016-

Dear Aunt,

I am very worried about my elder brother these days. He is 30 years old and has been living in Australia for the past eight years. Because of his carelessness he nearly lost his visa status and was about to come back to Nepal but luckily he got a sponsor and a job. Now with his new job, if he works for a year there, he’ll be getting his permanent residency but he has told me that there is a lot of pressure in his work. Besides that, he is emotionally depressed as well. A year ago he was in a relationship with a Nepali girl for about two years. He wanted to marry her but she refused. He was heartbroken and blamed himself for losing that girl. My parents have asked him to come back but he wants to get his PR and earn enough money to start a business in Nepal. 

Last November when he came for a holiday, our parents found a bride for him and arranged a quick wedding. Before getting married, my brother told his wife everything about his previous relationship. They had accepted each other’s past and everything was going great. He then went back. Recently, however, I found her crying. She said these days my brother always complains about her and compares her with his ex-girlfriend. He even scolds her when she tells him to stop thinking about her. I think, with the stress that my brother has gone through the past years, he has become very negative. What should I do to stop my brother from ruining his life? He has made many sacrifices for the family; he even dropped out his college to help earn money for our family. He means a lot to us and we all are very worried about him.

—Worried brother

Dear Worried brother,

Have you talked to your brother about all this? As he is the older brother, I think he believes it is his responsibility to take charge and take care of the family. I am sure he must feel a lot of pressure because of that. Judging from what you have told me, it seems that you are pretty close with him and it is natural to be as concerned as you are. But I think it’s best if you trust him with his life and his decisions, and support him the best way you can. Just try to reach out to him and make sure there is transparency and a lot of support and trust.

Plenty of fish in the sea

Dear Aunt,

We have been in a relationship for the past six months. I used to think that he was a good and honest guy. But now I have come to realise that he holds very traditional values. He believes that his girlfriend should not discuss or argue anything with him, needs to be inferior, needs to think about him all the time and shouldn’t smile with any other boy. His family is also very conservative, whereas I am very open minded. When he gets angry, he just hits me and harasses me mentally and physically. He does this and then apologises. I am very confused about the relationship. Please help me out. I love him but sometimes I am scared to even meet him.             

—Heartfelt RB

Dear Heartfelt RB,

The only question you have to ask yourself is: do you see a happy future with him? Often times, women are subjected to being treated as inferior beings by men who regard them more highly. You are a woman of the 21st century and you should know better than to stay in a relationship that has no respect for you or your freedom. I am sure you are completely in love with him right now but you have to think about the future and about yourself. Later in life you will realise that love comes in many forms, many times in life. Take a stand, dear. Trust me you will find that there are plenty of fish in the sea, ones that respect and deserve you.

Published: 22-03-2016 09:14

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