The Holi festival like nearly all of our ‘Hindu’ festivals is about victory of good over evil. But it seems that evil in this land of ours will continue to gain the upper hand for at least another decade or two. Maybe, when our current batch of corrupt clowns go away in retirement or exile or down below then we will finally get leaders who want to do good instead of loafers who only want to loot the state.

But of course, we thought that the new netas after 1990s would bring change and do some good but they are still here and instead of repenting for their past misdeeds, they continue to repeat the same nataks of corruption and cronyism. We know very well that our politicians will never change until we the people stop bowing down to our ‘new’ Maharajas. It’s about time we take a stand and help each other fight corruption and nepotism in our land.

Our President is planning to join the ‘Clean Bagmati’ campaign. Maybe, we should start ‘Clean our Government’ campaign first. No matter how much trash we collect from our Bagmati river, things will not change until our own folks dump their garbage and the sewage is properly managed instead of being dumped in our Holy river. And it’s about time we manage the sewage in our bureaucracy as well.

Our Madhesi politicians did not celebrate Holi this year because they are not happy with the way our incompetent government is dealing with their demands. But they had the time to visit the Indian Embassy and meet Ranjit Dai to extend Holi greetings and get free breakfast as well.

It’s not only our Madhesi netas but nearly every other politician and civil servant who do not miss a chance to eat for free or get gift hampers from foreign embassies in town. Why can’t our Madhesi superheroes meet our President for breakfast and then inform her about their plans to intensify their protest programmes after Nepali New Year?  

Our Madhesi warriors want to carry out a nation-wide protest programme. But I think we have had enough of all these protest nataks. If you really want our incompetent government to address your demands than please shut down Singha Durbar instead of our borders. Pitch the world’s largest tent in Baluwatar and organise a year-long ‘Holi’ festival to make up for the ‘Holi’ party that you missed this week. Invite us all to join in the fun and we will even bring some food for your cadres. Yes, let’s all have a picnic!

If you really want to win our hearts and minds then promise us that you will provide us cooking gas even during your shut down programmes. You can even introduce a ‘one cooking gas cylinder, one volunteer campaign’.

Our government can’t seem to figure out where all the cooking gas goes. It’s been a month since the border blockade ended and we still can’t get cooking gas. If our Madhesi netas can deliver us the cooking gas here in the Capital then we will pledge our full support for their protest programmes. You can even ask us to send at least one person to attend the ‘Holi Festival’ in Baluwatar in exchange of one cylinder of cooking gas. Each household can send one member to attend the ‘protest’ dance party until the cooking gas cylinder is empty. And when it is replaced, we will send another one to dance his or her head off!

Oli is in China and he is busy with his usual hawa-tari (wind power) guff! The Chinese folks must be falling off their seats as they can’t stop laughing when Oli tells them that Asian countries should adopt an inclusive model of development. Yes, our politicians do practice an inclusive model of development only among themselves instead for the people. They share the state funds amongst themselves. They offer each other ministries so that they can stay in power. Oli thinks that Asia will be peaceful when poverty is eradicated.

Yes, Nepal will also be peaceful only when our parasites are prevented from political engagement. Oli should first sit down for 10+2 exams while Prachanda should go back to school and teach instead of preaching what he does not practice.

Oli tells the Chinese that states should not exploit the vulnerabilities of others while his government has so far done nothing but loot the state while millions of our folks are still out living in tents and have received no relief even after getting hit by the Big One.

Dear PM, do not go overseas and tell the bidhesis what must be done to develop their own economies. Look at your own land.Look at us! Thanks to trade unions and political extortion, most of our industries have already shut down. No jobs are being created for the youth of this land and that’s why every year hundreds of thousands of able-bodied youth get exploited by manpower agencies to go overseas to earn a few Dinars and Ringgits. And owners of manpower agencies then provide ‘voluntary donation’ to our politicians and civil servants so that they continue to exploit our folks! And Mr Oli, please stop lying about our constitution. It’s not a democratic and inclusive constitution like you claim it to be. Yes, it was us who elected you buffoons and you did not do a great job of it.  Oli should have not spoken a word in China. Just enjoy the state banquets and be a happy tourist instead. Our Nepali Embassy should have organised a ‘Holi Festival’ and it would have been fun to see Oli play some ‘Jhilli-Milli Holi’ with Xi and Li.

It seems that the bideshis really know how to win the hearts and minds of the Nepali people. Prince Harry is in town and he seems to be enjoying his visit to our beautiful country. Yes, let us forget his ‘buff’ dance in Las Vegas a few years ago. Even a Prince needs to get some fresh air once in a while. Harry has extended his visit to Nepal so that he can help in rebuilding one of our schools in the earthquake-affected district. Harry will leave Nepal as Hari Bahadur. And if Kamal Thapa and his cronies really want monarchy back then maybe we should just offer the crown to our honorary village chief Hari Bahadur Windsor. And what about our Prime Monster Oli? Well, our comedian will come back home tomorrow with nothing but some gifts for his cousins and cronies. Yes, need to spend that free money from our state treasury on shopping for dear ones!

He could have at least shown some Wushu skills to the Chinese or spoken in Mandarin for a few seconds. But of course, our netas do not know anything about publicity stunts. All they know is how to stun the public with outlandish promises while calmly emptying our pockets.