Our stand-up comedian Oli Baba tells us that he will not allow our land to be a playground for bidhesis to conduct experiments on anyone and anything. Well, the bidehsis have been carrying out experiments on us and our land since the Ranas left the building and most of our civil servants and clowns have benefited financially all these years from such interference.

If it weren’t for the Desis then we would still have the Shree Tins having all the fun instead of hundreds of mini-Maharajas who seem to enjoy the good life these days. Pashupati Uncle would be our Prime Monster today if the Ranas had not left Singha Durbar then. And he wouldn’t have to sell Nepal Gas to our Emperor to make a profit. He would own everything in this land and would live like the Sultan of Brunei. 

If it weren’t for the Desis again, we would not have multi-party democracy in the 90s. Of course, we should not forget our martyrs who sacrificed their lives in so many people’s movements even if our netas and their chor cadres do.  But at the end of the day, it was always the Desis who had the magic tricks up their sleeves to change the players who would then continue to loot us all.  If it weren’t for the Desis, we would not have the 12-point peace agreement between our Maoists and Morons. We, the people really don’t care who gets to lead us. We know that our buffoons will only work hard to lead us to poverty instead of prosperity. 

We just want peace, justice and equality. But our netas want a piece of the loot, amnesty for them and their cadres for their crimes against the people and a system where the corrupt always wins while the law-abiding citizens face extortion from our sarkari hakims, cops and even mundreys.  

I guess somebody needs to remind Oli that most of this cadres and friends run most of the NGOs in this land and they get tons of bideshi funds as well. I guess he needs to clamp down on his own comrades first instead of playing the ‘foreign hand’ card for all the problems in this country. 

Maybe our ministries, courts and the police should stop accepting gift hampers and cash from the bideshis as well. We all know that half the foreign aid doled out by our friends from abroad goes back to their own consultants while the other half disappears through our ministries and NGOs.

Oli and most of our politicians except Baidya Ba knows very well that unless you please the bideshis, you will not get to sit on the Kurchi in this land. So, our stupid netas should stop telling us that they do not want foreign interference in our politics and governance and nearly everything else.

I think it would be better if our netas stop experimenting on us as well. Please drop the socialist and communist tag and just be proud of the fact that you are all opportunists. And you will grab any opportunity to sell this land to the highest bidder. 

We have a Prime Monster who has mundreys under his wings and yet he preaches about how we have the best constitution in the world and how our justice system is better than most developed countries. Yes, this is the land where most of our top civil servants get to their position based not on merit but their party affiliation and how much cash they can pay off our mantris. And yet, to expect our government to take care of us is like expecting a pickpocket to steal someone’s wallet, and stuff it with more cash than before. No, it is not going to happen. Our pickpockets will continue to loot us all until the day we will not be able to afford to even buy a wallet. 

We are all waiting for our Madhesi super-heroes and their new protest programmes. Yes, do not block the borders. It really doesn’t matter to those in power. We didn’t get cooking gas during the blockade. We are not getting any now after the blockade but those in power get their regular supply of fuel and cooking gas no matter what. Tomorrow, we might have a nuclear meltdown in our region and even then our chors will continue to get regular supply of cooking gas.

Oli should organise a ‘Dohori Night’ in Rangasala, invite our Madhesi netas and battle it out through songs. Let’s hope our protestors will carry out the blockade at Singha Durbar and Baluwatar instead of shutting down the Valley. Let’s hope that our police wallahs will use restrain instead of force against the protesters. Let’s hope our government will be flexible and sit down for talks instead of the usual chiya-biskoot meet-up session between the two parties.

And Kamal Thapa should resign immediately for his failure to bring the future King of England his Mrs to town. Yes, we had Harry who came, smiled, did some volunteer work and won some of our hearts and minds. 

But I guess, 200 years of service to the British Empire by our brave Gurkhas didn’t matter to Prince William. He goes to India and even Bhutan instead. Well, the British crown ruled India for nearly hundred years. But our people have shed their blood to protect the British Empire since then and now we get a ‘Royal’ snub. Our government should pass a law that bans all future Kings and Queens of England from ever setting foot on Nepali soil for such disrespect to the sacrifice of our ancestors. 

Well, Harry and his family will always be welcome but if he somehow happens to sit on the throne like his granny did then we will have to make sure that we find someone new. 

I think Mr Bean would do. Yes, let’s have a bumbling idiot meet our corrupt idiots instead of worrying about how to provide security for Royal folks who will just be in the comic books by 2073 AD! 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at [email protected]