It’s been almost a decade since our Seven Party Alliance (SPA) and our Maoists (M) signed the comprehensive peace agreement, but so far our SPAM wallahs have only divided the loot among themselves while we have yet to experience any peace or freedom in this land. This is what happens when our netas don’t use the Oxford English Dictionary to find out the real meaning of the words that come out of their mouths but leave all the homework for shady deals to their personal aides (PAs). If you really have a get-rich-quick scheme that will drain the state treasury and not benefit the public then get a hold of the PAs instead of the mantris.

A mantri is just another ignorant son or daughter of a seedless cucumber.

They have no idea how their ministries work. They have no vision to make this country great. Their only aim is to make as much dough as possible while in power. If a mantri makes 10 karods in kickbacks, he or she will share half with the party and keep half for near and dear ones. That’s how our politicians work and so far, nothing has changed in the last decade. Well, when it comes to corruption, things are the same as it was in the 90s. Back then, only the Kangaroos enjoyed the loot. Now, it’s just everyone’s turn to make some money as they play musical chairs when it comes to forming a new government every other year.

Our government claims that we will be egg sufficient in a year or two. Maybe that’s why our egg wallahs have jacked up the egg prices by more than 20 percent since last month. They have to make the money now, for if we are egg sufficient then prices will definitely go down. Even ice-cream prices are up by 20 percent since last week. It seems that our experts buy their daily essentials directly from the wholesaler since their figure is always half of what the reality is.

We have a Constituent Assembly for the second time and we also have the world’s greatest constitution. We are wasting billions of rupees each year to feed our greedy loafers and once we are done with our provinces some day, we will need billions more to feed the lazy bums who become state lawmakers. We had a six-month long blockade and it didn’t really have any effect on the lives of our netas. We were the ones who suffered and it seems that we will continue to suffer happily for another decade or so.

This week, we also have to thank Biplab dai and his cadres for showing us all that we will continue to have bandas in this land. And protesters can vandalise both public and private property and get away with it during them. Our police wallahs are on the streets as mute spectators and provide security to the protesters instead of the public.

When our SPAM signed the peace agreement, they pledged to resolve the problems related with class, ethnicity, region and gender differences. Well, it’s easy to pledge things but difficult to deliver. We should have been another Singapore or Switzerland by now but so far our netas have failed to deliver anything. Our top comedian Krazy Pompous Oli has pledged everything that comes to his ingenious mind. While half of the country thinks the man has gone mad, the other half wants to believe his crazy promises. Our descendants can all remember Oli then and pay homage to the man who at least had the guts to dream even if he never fulfilled his vision. Aren’t our netas just lucky to have such passive populace to rule over?  

Our netas talk about bringing peace and prosperity in this land. They tell us that the country will experience progressive social and economic transformation. But the only transformation has been of our netas, civil servants and contractors while the common folks have neither good health nor enough wealth because this country is run by sick people who get free medical treatment abroad at the expense of the taxpayers.  We have seen the mandaleys, the morons, the Maoists and also our Madhesi netas. What can ‘New Power’ deliver when others have failed?

What this country does not need is another communist or socialist party. We all just want to make another extra rupee. Maybe somebody should open a capitalist party and we can become like India and China someday, rather than continue to be ruled by a bunch of extortionist scumbags.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at [email protected]