Broken Trust

  • agonyaunt

Jan 3, 2017-

 

Dear Aunt,

I am 23 and have been in love with a wonderful girl for three years now. We’ve had our own share of ups and downs but we make a lovely couple. Nobody gets me and accepts me like she does. Although, I have never said it out loud, should I spend my life with anybody I want it to be her. But, I made a blunder and I think I might have lost her forever. A mutual friend had been hitting on me for quite some time now, and my girlfriend was fully aware of it. Because she was not insecure about the relationship, while she warned me to not lead the other girl on, she was 

never really bothered when I spent little time with the other girl. She even teased me about how I 

was enjoying the attention. Everything was fine. However, the other day we (I and the other girl) kissed on the spur of the moment and I regretted it immediately. I confronted my girlfriend honestly about the situation but now she hates me. I don’t think she’ll ever accept me. What should I do? 

—Hopeless Romantic 

Dear Hopeless Romantic, 

That’s definitely a huge blunder. When somebody trusts you, you should never take it for granted. I am sorry to say this but even if things get better, they’ll never go back to how it used to be before. It’s difficult to build trust back again once you have broken it. However, if you are really keen on working this relationship out, you have to put in every possible effort into it. To convince her that you are sincerely apologetic, don’t just say sorry. Make it up to her with gestures that matter. Also, come clean. Don’t flirt around, don’t hang out with girls who are interested in you, and don’t lead them on. If you want your girlfriend to know that you are committed to her, let go of the traces of Casanova in you. Communicate to her as often and as much as possible about how it was a mistake that you’ll never repeat. And if she takes you back, live up to her trust. However, remember to let go in two cases. First, if she doesn’t want to take you back no matter what, accept it as your punishment and let her be. Don’t impose the relationship on her—you don’t have that privilege anymore.  Second, if your heart is still fluttering by, checking out other girls, it’s a sign that you are looking for someone new. There’s no point of trying to mend something if you’ll eventually break it again. Good luck!

 

Sour Sixteen 

Dear Aunt,

My sister who is two years younger to me and currently in grade 10 is going through a major heartbreak. Ever since her breakup two weeks ago, she has shut us all out. She has deactivated all her social media, she refuses to talk to her friends when they call, and she completely avoids any form of socialising. I saw her recent grades, they have deteriorated as well. I’m afraid the heartbreak might completely engulf her and lead her to depression. Because, we don’t talk about dating and relationships with our parents, the whole responsibility has come upon me to help her get through this breakup. My only problem is I have always been the studious, no-nonsense kind of girl who has never ever dated. I have never experienced similar heartbreak to pass on wisdom regarding it to my little sister. What should I tell her? How can I convince her that she’ll get through it? 

—Raisa

Dear Raisa, 

When younger people go through heartbreaks it’s both good and bad. Good because they’ll get over it before they even realise it and bad because before they actually get over it the emotions are fully blown up. To begin with, even when she denies she needs any sympathy, you might as well go to her and give her a big bear hug. Hugs are a great way of telling people that they are loved and you are there for them without saying anything at all. It is also fail-safe way because you are not imposing any wisdom on her. Wait for her to open up and tell you everything about what went wrong and how. Once you gather all the details, tell her that breakups are part and parcel of life and they take place for good. Sure there are exceptions but most relationships that begin at a young age of 16 rarely ever endure. When you’re 16 and in love, you feel like love is all that you need and whoever you meet is the one. But that’s not the case. When you’re 16, you barely know what you want out of yourself to expect somebody else to know, understand, and reciprocate what you want out of them. When a relationship ends, it ends for good. It only means that they are better people waiting for you. Most love stories that take place in our teenage come to an end before we expect it to, and even when we feel like our life is over, it is only the beginning. Breakups should be treated like life and time savers that teach us how to choose the right partner and how to love them.

Published: 03-01-2017 08:47

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