Mar 21, 2017-
I recently got into a relationship with my best-friend of seven years. We have known one another’s family for the longest time. In the last one year though, she has been persistent about not coming to my house. While I keep visiting her family, she has been adamant on not seeing mine. I had been a little concerned about her behaviour and when I confronted her earlier this week, she confided that my brother—two years older than me—had once asked her out, and after she rejected the proposal, he became rather angry and started showing her his bad side. One year down the road he still sends her suggestive and offensive messages. And when we meet outside, he often stares at her and sometimes touches her the ‘wrong way’. At first I was taken aback but when she showed me all the texts he sent her I was shocked! How could I have missed out all the signs? How do I deal with the situation now?
Dear Little Brother,
Looks like you’re caught in a huge fix. If you really love your best friend-turned-girlfriend, the only way forward is to confront your brother. He has been showing the traits of a stalker and it is highly condemnable. You have to make him realise that what he’s doing is not right, and what he is feeling is not love. Love is never about possessing someone and your brother needs to understand that. It might be difficult for him to understand this when it comes from his younger brother who’s dating the girl he wanted to date. Hence, while communicating this, you might want to involve someone that your brother trusts and listens to. If necessary, take him to a therapist. He owes your girlfriend an apology. Your girlfriend has rightly made the call to stay away from your brother for now; don’t push her to confront him if she doesn’t want to. Don’t apologise on your brother’s behalf and force her to forgive him either. As of now, tell your girlfriend that you understand her and that you stand by her decision to stay away from your family. If you want this relationship to work, you have to respect her space and decisions.
Long time no see
I have been working at a corporate house for two years now. I love my job and I have great relations with all my immediate colleagues. However, my reputation and bonding are suddenly under threat. Recently, somebody from my past; my arch enemy from high school to be precise, joined my office and unfortunately we are working in the same team now. While high school was six years ago, and we have both matured into different, more sorted human beings; she apparently still holds a grudge against me. It was awkward when I met her the first time, but we had started talking decently to one another, and I thought we were cool. But, since her second week at work, she has been attacking me unnecessarily: she points out flaws in every single task I am assigned, she tells my colleague how untrustworthy and selfish I was back in school and of late, she has been talking against me to my HR. Couple weeks ago my HR and my boss called for me to tell me that there were complaints against me mostly about how I was not a team worker and I bullied my colleagues. Worst part is she has her ways of rubbing well onto people. My colleagues love her and trust her. I just want to lead a mature, professional life but it seems impossible now. What should I do?
Dear Sanu Maya,
A blast from the past, huh! Well, first and foremost you need to take her out for a coffee and talk things through. Confront her and ask her what it is that still bothers her. Try to understand why she is still holding on to the grudge and why she is still hurt. If it is something that you really did wrong, apologise sincerely and tell her that you are a different person now who has nothing against her. If it is just about unmatched wavelengths, tell her that it’s time to leave things behind and focus on your respective careers. Tell her that there is nothing she is going to gain from destroying your career and that even if she feels at peace by doing so now; she’ll have regrets later on in life. Talk to her as maturely and as calmly as possible but also strongly assert that you are not afraid of her. It is also important that you communicate to your closest colleagues about the bitter history you share with your high-school ‘arch enemy’ so that they can be unbiased when judging you. You are an older employee, so it might be a good idea to talk to your HR and boss about the same too. If you want to lead a mature professional life, deal with this problem in the same way; because, this is just one of the many hitches that you’ll come across in your career.
Published: 21-03-2017 08:55