Never felt this way

  • agonyaunt

Jul 4, 2017-

 

Dear Aunt,

I am a 19-year-old boy and I would prefer to call myself a lone wolf. I never really had any friends but lately there is a girl in my life. We study in the same class and she is mesmerising. And the thing is, she cares about me, she often encourages me. The way she smiles at me when we meet always makes me feel something different, like things can get better. She shares everything with me—from early in the morning to late at night—even which dish is being prepared in her kitchen. Although I sometimes act aloof and weird, she isn’t turned off and insists on doing things together. Once she even waited for more than 30 minutes, alone, just to wish me good luck. Her small acts make feel on top of the world. I am completely awkward socially but I have been feeling kind of comfortable with her and I would love to have her by my side but I am not clear about it. I am not the only one who likes her, and she has made it clear that she has no interest in anyone else. I think about her a lot but am not able to express my feelings toward her. Sometimes, I think she only takes me as a friend. Because I have never been close to anyone, I sometimes worry that I am mistaking her friendliness for love. We have known each other for the past year. Is this love, is it infatuation or is it just something I am fantasising about? I am really in a deep emotional problem here. Should I tell her, or just wait and let her reveal her feelings? I would really hate for this to go wrong and lose the only person that I am really close with.

—-Lone Wolf

Dear Lone Wolf, 

‘Love’ is a strong word, and you’d rather not name it so unless you’re absolutely sure about how you feel. But, you do seem to have a major crush on this girl and from the sound of it she seems to reciprocate it. However, the only way to be sure about your feelings and hers is by spending more time with her. Instead of immediately dreaming of a future with her, or reserving a space in your life for her, start making some space for her in your everyday where you can just hang out together. Communicate every 

chance you get. Get to know her, get to know what she likes and get to know if she cares about what you like. If she likes you more than a friend, you’ll definitely start feeling the affection. Once, you are in a more comfortable position where you feel like it might be a good time to just confront her with your feelings and ask her out, do so by all means. Bottling up never does anybody any good. But, make sure that you communicate your feelings with utmost respect and openness. Be open to the possibility that she might actually care for you just as a friend. And respect her decision regardless of what she chooses, even if she just wants to be friends. This saves you from heartache and helps you take further steps in the relationship in a courteous manner. Worst case scenario, you’ll just lose a potential lover at a very young age.  You have a whole life ahead of you, keep it honest but cool. 

 

Lost for words

Dear Aunt,

I want to become a writer in the future but my parents want me to take up the science stream in my Plus Two and become an engineer. 

I got B grade in the recent SEE exams. In Nepali, however, I got an A+. I want to tell stories and I am comfortable only with Nepali. How do I convince my parents that writing is where my true passion lies?

—Inked

Dear Inked, 

If you have a writer in you, it will come out regardless of what stream you pursue in your high school. Writing is always instinctive and the best part about it is you can write as a doctor, an engineer, a dancer, or an actor. No matter what career path you choose, if you have that writing bug in you, you will write. 

Now coming to high school, you need to know that it is too soon to decide what career path you are going to choose in life. You are still young and your choices will definitely evolve over time. However, even while the two-years of high school are absolutely overrated in terms of defining who you are, they are crucial in shaping your confidence. If you are good at science and don’t want to pursue it just because you think it will hamper your potential writing career, it might be a good idea to just listen to your parents. It will only open up avenues for you. However, After 10 years of schooling, if science and math are two subjects that you haven’t been able to connect to, you don’t really like and you never perform well in, it is inevitable that you’ll struggle. Communicate this to your parents. Tell your parents that instead of going through the consistent pressure to perform and the fear of failing at something you don’t like at all, you would rather take up subjects that you can better resonate with and excel at them. 

Writing is still not perceived as a promising career in Nepal, and given how we are shaped by the society it is natural for your parents to worry about you and your career choices. Instead of arguing why writing is the thing for you, arguing why science is not might reap better results. You just have to convince your parents that you’d be a better student and a more confident human being when you don’t have science bruising your self esteem. 

Published: 04-07-2017 07:44

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