Print Edition - 2017-11-04  |  On Saturday

Let the chors rule!

  • Everything is possible in Nepali politics where ideologies take a back seat and it’s about ego and money
- Guffadi

Nov 4, 2017-Our chor netas, mundrey gundas and former civil servants are all busy getting ready for upcoming provincial and parliamentary elections in this country, whereas the people just want to get done with the polls so that they can get back to the usual whining and ranting against our lawbreakers while the chors can go back to the usual ‘looting game’. Let us just do what we know best and leave it to the evil doers to screw us over! 

Yes, not much will change in this country for the common folks. But for our con-artists, Christmas will come early, as they get to enjoy the perks of being our lawbreakers in the provinces and the House before the end of the Angrezi New Year! And for us, it will be just another goodbye to another year gone by without any progress in this land of ours!  

Let us all feel sorry for the honest folks who have filed nominations to contest the upcoming elections. We all know that they are not going to win. We have already seen from our local level elections that byaparis, mundrey gundas and the same old chors still have the money and muscle to win elections in this land. 

We, the people are still not ready to be ruled by hardworking, honest and helpful hobbits. We still want to be ruled by corrupt, callous and cold-hearted chors who have only served themselves instead of serving the folks who elected them!

We all know that our Maharaja Deuba will win from Dadeldhura again and most of our so-called top leaders of our circus companies will more than likely win as well. After all, our corrupt crooks use all the money and muscles they have to make sure that they are elected. And you can always find ways to recover your election expenses once you become a lawmaker in this country. There will be governments to topple, governments to form and at the end of the day, you need votes in the House as well to be able to siphon off the state treasury and raise your own salaries, perks and other chiya kharcha. 

We just got done feeding six hundred clowns for almost a decade and now we will have to be ready to feed more than eight hundred clowns both in our provinces and the federal parliament. We will have more than 275 loafers in the House and then we will have 59 snobs at the Upper House. And let us not even get started with our 550 provincial pickpockets.  Our government can’t even repair our roads or provide us clean drinking water, sanitation and other basic services but it seems to have enough funds to pay our clowns at the local, provincial and federal levels. 

We thought we would be getting our convention center back but it seems that we will have to do with the old Bhrikuti Mandap Exhibition Hall forever. Maybe, we should just ask the Chinese to build a new parliament building to house our eggheads and maybe we can finally take our families to the Birendra International Convention Center once again.

And if it wasn’t enough, we will have to spend billions more as we have to provide housing, vehicles, security and chiya kharcha to our Chief Ministers and his or her ministers in our provinces. It’s a great Loot-Tantra for our good for nothing pickpockets.

Our Emperor Prachanda wants to make it big from Chitwan. The last time around, he got thrashed in Kirtipur and nearly lost in Siraha. This time, he did his best by going to bed with the Kangaroos to make sure that our first daughter became our Mayor there and now he is in love with Oli and the other comrades. 

Our Emperor is confident that our communists will get the majority and will rule Nepal for five years without any backstabbing or kickbacks to topple the ‘Commie’ Rule in Nepal! But we should never underestimate our Kangaroos and especially Maharaja Deuba. This guy doesn’t care about the constitution or the Election Commission or the media or the people. If he had his way, he would have appointed all our former Constipated Assembly members ministers so that they could all get a vehicle, security and a little bit more chiya kharcha till the end of this month!

Gyanu Uncle should have formed his own political party and stood up for election from Kathmandu. But I guess, our former King doesn’t want to be like the Indian Royals. Kamal Thapa is milking it so far but it’s about time Gyanu Uncle also stood up for election as well and who knows, be our Chief Minister here in the so-called province #3. And he can once again do his thing at our jatras in the Valley! 

After all, even Ganesh Lama, an honest byapari from Kavre, is standing up for election as a Kangaroo. Well, that was bound to happen as our uncle Bijaya Gaddaar came back home to be a Kangaroo again.  This country is really going to hell when chors stand up for elections and nobody is worried about it. We all talk about the House of Shah and then Crown Prince and his nataks but what about our new ‘princelings’ who carry unlicensed firearms and are all engaged in thekka-pattas today?  It’s still the same system and the players may have changed but the coaches remain the same!

And our former DIG saheb who would have been our IGP if King Deuba had not played his ‘game’ is now standing up for election from Lalitpur. Yes, and if our comrades do win the majority in the federal parliament then don’t be surprised if Prime Monster Bam Dev Gautam decides to appoint Silwal Dai as our Home Minister. But of course, if the UML wallahs get Baluwatar than our Emperor would want the Home Ministry, but everything is possible in Nepali politics where ideologies take a back seat and it’s about ego and money! Who wants to watch Amriki TV series or even the ‘Desi’ serials when our own ‘real’ politics has more masala than Trump’s antics or Modi’s magic tricks? 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Published: 04-11-2017 07:26

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