The Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi (NaMo) is coming to Nepal next week. We are not really excited like we were the first time around. Let us hope NaMo is prepared with witty one-liners, jokes and mix-masala guff to change our views on his government and its natak during the blockade.

NaMo is going to rule India for some time. We have no choice but to make sure that we get the best out of any deals with India and our civil servants and netas should make sure that NaMo is happy while he is here. Somebody should hire a guy from Gujrat to make the ‘best’ chai in the world for NaMo. Yes, little things do count when you are trying to flatter your chimekis.

Our man Oli was in Delhi a month ago to eat some chai and samosas. That’s what our thulo mancheys do when they visit our chimekis. They act like they just won a free travel package and are happy to spend our taxpayers’ money.  Instead of getting good deals for one’s country, they sign on agreements that benefit the chimekis more than us. Oli did not sign any new agreements but we could have at least made the Desis aware that they should not play politics and tell us that they will not buy electricity if the hydropower projects were not built by the Desis. We have no one to blame but our civil servants who always fail to do their homework before our netas visit foreign lands. 

The Desis want our water and electricity. But what do we want from them? At least the Indian civil servants know what they want from Nepal but our civil servants only want scholarships for their kids in Indian universities and nothing for the country. It’s a shame that our netas and hakim sahebs have failed again and again to do what’s best for the country.

NaMo is a vegetarian. Oli should ask NaMo to try the Veggie Momo in Nepal and the Desi PM can tweet about it. We can even officially name our Veggie Momo, “NaMomo” if that helps to get lots of freebies from India. We are tired of getting bicycles, buses and ambulances. What we want is less hassle at the border for our folks who work in India. We want our byaparis to get their goods from the Indian ports or export their stuff without obstruction as per our agreement with India. We want better trade deals with India.

Oli told the Desis that friendship is more important than agreements while he was in India.  But it’s about time our netas and civil servants hired experts to figure out a way to reduce the trade deficit with India. We export less than a billion dollars worth of goods to our chimeki while we import ten times more.

Our politicians talk about economic revolution but just having new cement factories is not going to make our country prosperous. We need real jobs. It seems that the only folks who make money in this land are the folks with the Department of Roads and the contractors who get the contracts to build our roads. And our politicians and civil servants get the commission. The same road is built, dug up for other works by other government agencies and then rebuilt again and again and our contractors get extension forever to carry out their shoddy works. 

When Modi first came to Nepal, he did manage to win the hearts and minds of the Nepali people with his nataks. Yes, just say a sentence in Nepali and we all jump off our chairs and start applauding as if the guy just gave an hour long speech in fluent Nepali. While our politicians hide behind luxury vehicles surrounded by armed guards, Modi decided to stop his vehicle and walk around to meet and greet Nepalis. We wished our politicians were like NaMo!

Then came the blockade and we had to pay Rs 500 for a litre of petrol and more than six times more for cooking gas. Our government, our Madhesi parties and the Desis didn’t care that millions of Nepalis suffered during the blockade. The only folks who cared about our suffering were the folks who were protesting during the day and then helping to provide us fuel and cooking gas during the night by getting it from India.

Instead of landing at our one and only international airport, NaMo will land in Janakpur on an Indian Air Force helicopter.

It would have been nice if NaMo landed in Bhairahawa, drove to Lumbini and finally admitted that Buddha was born in Nepal and requested all to visit Lumbini. Then, all would be forgiven and we would probably forget about the blockade and other nataks from the Desis back then.

NaMo is expected to land in Janakpur, then offer worship at the Janaki Temple and then fly to Mustang on the same day and then come to Kathmandu. A while ago, three former Desi Ambassadors to Nepal were having a reunion in Dolpa. It seems that the Desis are interested in our beautiful rural areas right next to China. Either they really do enjoy the scenery or they have other things in mind.

- Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at [email protected]