Jun 13, 2018-
What’s with the hair?”“People often don’t like it when I keep my hair long, so I cut it short”, she said in a faint voice. I pursed my lips and frowned, she noticed it and asked me if I liked it. I smiled. I was never one to judge people based on their style or even on their philosophies of life. However, here I was, in a situation where my answer would make a difference—to her and to me. If I had said ‘No’, it would have been a lie. So I said, “Yes, I like it”. She smiled. I had said yes because it was true and because I wanted to see her smile. Seeing her smile soothed my mind, for she held a special place in my heart, a place I did not call love—yet. Love entails giving and taking. I gave it a thought and wondered what selfless love would be like? How selfless could one be in terms of love?
Thoughts always keep me wandering. I have so many questions and yet my answers are like mirages in the desert or like dust floating in the wind—hard to follow and almost impossible to grasp. Drawing a conclusion had not been this hard in the past. Had I just said ‘No’ I wouldn’t have been dealing with endless questions of selfless love and what not. Anyway, almost a month passed before we saw each other again. This time I was prepared not to over think things or get tangled in the small details when speaking to her.
So we sat facing each other again, this time with a cup of coffee. My hair was wet from the rain while she had her raincoat over hers. Not again, we had not even started talking and I was already thinking about my hair, her hair. Holy Cow- I said. What a way to start the conversation.
“Anything wrong?” she asked. “Nah, it’s just me,” I said. She opened her raincoat and the only thing I could think of was her hair. I asked her how she had been since the last time we met. We had barely started speaking when she said, “You have started growing your hair”. All this time I was trying to avoid this conversation and now she started it. I looked at her and said, “You too, and it looks good on you”.
“Better than short hair?” she quirked. “Well, you would look beautiful even if you did not have any hair”. She laughed, then I laughed. This time I was happy, as I had let my heart speak and not my mind. She smirked, “Your hair is longer than mine,” I snorted. “Why don’t we talk about eyes?”
We started talking more than ever—texts, calls, and social media. I had found an answer to the selfless love that I was wondering about. I noticed it when I saw her eyes, filled with love, but with no desire or expectation. With that, I knew that selfless love does not exist but there does exists a love where you see yourself in someone else, see from their eyes and feel the need to care for that person and be cared by them. I say this while knowing that there are no definite conclusions in life except death and in this otherwise meaningless scheme of things, love is perhaps the easiest vice and most difficult virtue. We learn from our experiences, and from happiness and sadness, we learn to love. Anyway, we both have long hair now and we’ve started calling our love, ‘The Hairy Love’.
Poudel is an undergraduate at The University of Mississippi
Published: 13-06-2018 08:14