There are three countries our Prime Monsters must visit before they move out of Baluwatar. You have to drink milk tea and eat samosa with the Desis, try some dim sum with the Chinese and get yourself a hotdog in New York during the UN General Assembly nataks and manage a photo with the Amriki President then.

And after you cover these three nations in your bucket list, if you have time, you visit Geneva. And for medical purposes, you can always visit Singapore and waste millions of our taxpayer Rupees. Yes, it’s good to be a thulo neta in this land where a few hundred parasites get to misuse their power and make billions on the side while millions of us have to go overseas to make a few Dinars and Ringgits so that our kids can buy smartphones and then send the money back to the bideshis.

Yes, for every seven Rupees we make from others, we pay ninety three rupees to the bideshis to buy food, clothes and a whole lot of stuff but our government is not interested to work on narrowing down our trade deficit especially with our Desi brothers. The only thing our government is interested in is to ask for loans and investment for our highways, hydropower and cement factories. Yes, that’s where you can make commissions from contractors who get a piece of the government contract.

Our PMs visit Delhi and bow down to the big brothers because if you don’t then you never know when your time is up back home. If we look at our political history, our leaders have always sought the help of the Desis to come to a compromise with those in power. That’s how we got rid of the Shree Teens and then the Shree Paanch and hopefully, one day, people power will finally come to Nepal and we can then ask the Desis for help to finally get rid of our Shree Hundreds as well. But at the end of the day, our netas forget the voters who actually voted for them and think that we don’t matter at all.

Our politicians can act all high and mighty and talk bad about the Desis in front of their cadres and the public but then you always have to bend backwards, sideways and in any way possible to accommodate the demands of our chimekis later on. Just because you wear a Daura-Surwal and a topi doesn’t make you a nationalist or the great saviour we have been waiting for.

Oli has now been to India and China and lots of MoUs have been signed with both countries but we know very well that most of it will either take decades or never be fulfilled at all. And it’s not our chimekis who are to be blamed but our lazy civil servants and spineless politicians who think only short-term and ask for useless freebies while failing to do their homework and getting deals that will help us in the long run.

It’s been more than three years since we got hit by the ‘Big One’ and thousands of our folks lost their lives and hundreds of thousands were displaced from their homes. Our incompetent government can’t even fix the front gate at Singha Durbar or rebuild the walls of Narayanhiti Palace Museum but it talks big and promises us that we will be a developed, rich nation within a decade.

We are now asking the Chinese to help us with the reconstruction of Nuwakot Durbar. Why do we need help from Chimekis to build our own temples and palaces? Just give Dhurmus and Suntali the job and they will rebuild this nation in a year with money donated by Nepalis here and abroad without seeking a rupee from our poor government.

The Italian PM can take a taxi to work. The Dutch PM can take a mop and clean up the coffee spilled on the floor. Some PMs overseas take cheap flights on economy to save taxpayers’ money but our politicians are a different lot. Our Prime Monster would spend millions more and charter a private plane to China rather than using our national carrier. Good job Oli! You really make us proud.  

And Oli could have done us a big favour if he had traded in his Daura-Surwal for black suit and dyed his hair black like the Chinese Communists do and had taken a bora of frozen momos from our local vyar vyar momo pasals in town and gifted it to the great leaders there. Oli could have gone on Chinese television and spoken a few lines of Mandarin inviting all Chinese folks to visit Nepal at least once in their life time. But, no, our netas are still stuck on highways and hydro but seem to forget about humans. We could have hundreds of millions of tourists from Chindia coming to our land but our netas and civil servants don’t want to see this land prosper and see us make some money through hard work. After all, we are a nation ruled by a bunch of thieves who know only how to steal from all of us!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at [email protected]