Age is just a number

Sep 11, 2018-

Dear Aunt, 

I am 29 years old. I have completed my master’s degree and have a good job. I am also single. About two months ago, a guy sent me a friend request on Facebook. I didn’t know him but I accepted the request because we had quite a few mutual friends. The moment we got connected, he came online and started talking to me. He said he had seen me at my office where his brothers work too. We started talking regularly and three months ago we met in person. I was a little nervous about the date, but he was an easy person to talk to, also very charming—tall, handsome and well behaved. We got along really well. I like him and I think the feeling is mutual. While we haven’t met again, we have been talking to each other regularly on Facebook and on the phone.  My problem is that he has only just passed his bachelor’s and is much younger than I am . The wise thing to do would probably be to stop talking to him altogether and cut connections before things escalate. I mean we wouldn’t make a great pair. But for some reason I feel very confused, like I am not ready to let go. What should I do? 

—Suri 

 

Dear Suri, 

What is your priority at the moment? 

If you are looking for romance with nothing serious in store, don’t worry too much about it. Go with the flow, carry on with your conversations, enjoy the attention you’re getting and move on when it’s time to. If you are looking for a really serious relationship and already know that this guy isn’t the right fit, then cut off ties before it’s too late. However, if you feel a connection with him that’s unlike anything you have had before and want to give this a chance, go ahead and do that. Age is just a number and if you manage to fall in love, you’ll get through all the hurdles that you might come across. It’s only a matter of time. The solution to your problem lies in what you are looking for. You have nothing to lose here. I do feel like it is important that you go with the flow. Like you said, you have only met the guy once. Meet him a couple more times to understand how well you vibe. I am sure you’ll figure out if he’s worth your time and energy. 

 

Hard and rock place 

Dear Aunt, 

I am a grade 11 student. I had a crush on someone before I started my +2. We met through Facebook and since we shared interests, we talked to each other every single day.  We even fell in love. We are dating. But as soon as I joined the college, I developed a crush on someone else.  A typical teenage problem. Now, I didn’t think anything would have happened with this new crush. Interestingly things changed. We started growing closer. In fact we are very close. We talk for hours in and out of college. The feelings are getting stronger here and they are mutual. Now, I know that this is not right. I am confused. I have someone I loved before and I have someone I love now. How do I do justice to both relationships? Please help me. 

—Atwood 

 

Dear Atwood, 

At your age, shift in feelings is a natural thing. You keep falling in and out of love. It’s not wrong to acknowledge the feelings as they change and accept the relationships as they evolve. However it would be wrong to not tell your current girlfriend about your crush and your relationship with her. There is nothing to be confused about. Let go of the person that you have fallen out of love with, and start anew with someone with whom you are currently in love with. Meet your current girlfriend and breakup with her gracefully. Be empathetic and understanding when you do so. You owe her the truth, but you also owe her respect and kindness. Yes, you might break her heart, but sooner the better. If you continue to stay in the limbo, you will be deeply unhappy and before you know things will turn toxic. No matter who you date, never stay in a relationship out of pity, and never stay in a relationship when you are not in love anymore. If you really like this new girl and the feelings are mutual, you might as well start dating her.

Published: 11-09-2018 08:01

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