Print Edition - 2018-09-15  |  On Saturday

Paranoid parasites

  • We are not moving forward but a step back toward the dark ages where ordinary citizens had no freedom while only a few hundred feudal lords had all the fun
- Guffadi

Sep 15, 2018-

It seems that our ruling clowns see conspiracies everywhere. Our greatest communist government on Earth is acting more like an insecure coalition government instead of one commanding a two-third majority in the House.

The parents of late Nirmala want justice but our incompetent police wallahs have managed to destroy evidence and instead tried to frame other innocent folks for the crime committed against Nirmala. And now, our Emperor tells us that someone is conspiring against the government by committing crimes across the country. Dear Empeoror, we know that you are just itching to get to Baluwatar again once Oli is done with his shift but don’t blame others for the incompetency of our government agencies.

Instead of directing the police wallahs to find out the truth, you are making it worse when you tell us that the crimes committed in this land is more of a political conspiracy against the greatest communist government on Earth. And we thought the Orange man in the West was crazy.

We knew our netas were parasites who were good at sucking the blood of hardworking Nepalis but we didn’t know that these clowns were also suffering from paranoia. I think it’s time our so-called great communist leaders visit psychiatrists and seek counseling and even medication because no matter how much we curse, blame and make fun of our chor netas, it is in their hands to take this country forward to peace and prosperity or backward to doom and destruction. So far, it looks like we are not moving forward but a step back toward the dark ages where ordinary citizens had no freedom while only a few hundred feudal lords had all the fun. So, our rebels went to the jungle and Oli and his friends spent decades in jail so that one day, they could finally get to sit on the Kurchi and do exactly or even worse than the regime they fought against.

Our comrades are not communist. If they were then they would not try to award licenses for medical colleges to byaparis in the valley. They would not sit silent and let the shady contractors bag all the government contracts and do nothing to finish their assigned tasks. They would go after the big sharks who smuggle gold worth billions of dollars instead of going after the little fishes.

They would rather nationalise all private colleges and hospitals and make education and healthcare free for the public. And if they were true communist then they would also work on a deal with some foreign power to develop a nuclear bomb or two to protect our nation from both real and imaginary enemies. We really haven’t gone to war with anyone in the past hundred and fifty years and we are not going to war with anyone anytime soon but it always helps to go nuclear if we want other nations to take us seriously. So, if our government is really communist then we should be friends with China, Cuba, North Korea and even Iran.  

Then we can get all kinds of stuff from China. We can learn a thing or two about healthcare and education from the Cubans. We can get fake Marlboros, fake dollars and a few suitcases of home-made nuclear devices from the Koreans. And what about Iran? Well, we can get discounts on dates and pistachios for Dashain and Tihar!

Our great communist government seems hell-bent on destroying the foundations of democracy by preventing peaceful assembly, freedom of the press and religion and independence of the judiciary. Maybe, we should have to amend the constitution and have an age limit, term limit and even limit on how many times one can be a minister and a Prime Monster.  Oli thinks he is on the same stature as folks like Mandela or Mr Lee from Singapore. But Oli should be reminded that we can learn a lot about reconciliation from Mandela and how to turn a poor backward malaria-infested swamp land to a developed nation in a few decades from late Lee.

But of course, our communist government can change the constitution and put forth the term, age and all kinds of limit on power with their majority but will not do anything right for the good of this country. Instead, they think that nobody can or should stop them from enjoying the loot till the next general election.

What our netas have failed to understand is that the greatest resources of any nation is its people and not land, sea, mountains or water. Singapore buys water from Malaysia. Singapore doesn’t have mountains but more than 16 million visit this small city state every year while we can’t even get a million visitors when we have the highest mountain on Earth. We can attract hundreds of millions of tourists to visit the birthplace of Lord Buddha but it seems that India has done a better job of promoting Bodh Gaya while our successive governments have appointed incompetent cadres to head the Lumbini Development Trust.

God has done his or her job well when it comes to our land. Well, if you think otherwise then just thank plate tectonics for our beautiful land. But our corrupt politicians and civil servants have not allowed the people to seek or receive opportunities to better their lives and do something productive for this country. This country has not failed us. Our politicians have. Those in power are taking this country down the drain and since we do not have an effective sewage system, we are all going down as well except for our civil servants and politicians who have already transferred most of their wealth and kids abroad so that they can always take a hike when everything goes haywire in this land.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at You may contact him at

Published: 15-09-2018 07:55

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