I mindfully tread a very careful line so as to not engage in heated exchanges about all things race, culture or gender. I do this in part because everyone has different experiences and I don’t want to be tendentious or discount others’ ideals by enforcing my own personal prejudices or passions. But every so often, I can’t help speak out. 

I feel obliged to do so because I have always considered myself a feminist but have consistently struggled to draw the line between radical feminism and constructive feminism and so, reconcile the sundering of these polar pulls.

In a society plagued by the dangers of groupthink, voices that seek to challenge the ‘mainstream’ are almost always censored and subjected to the tyranny of the majority. It disconcerts me greatly when I see people jumping on the bandwagon of feminism only because doing so is convenient, or worse—trendy. This is not to say that I don’t side with feminist principles but it is frustrating when people increasingly mistake the premise of feminism and equate it to misandry instead. It is thus paramount to reclaim feminism from those who sport a utilitarian façade. 

In both social circles and Twitter briefs, I find women talking about how men are “spawned from hell” and how we’re powerless against the patriarchy. This is problematic, not only because it minimises the agency of women to protect ourselves but also because it embodies victimhood, by masquerading as feminism. In addition, it makes the grave mistake of making sweeping generalisations. True, some men are sexist and misogynistic, but calling men our enemies does very little for our cause ie, the creation of equal opportunities. 

Very recently, I came across a status update on Facebook about how a man that approached a woman over Facebook was sexist because he called her “hot”. I find this kind of mindset highly problematic, not only because she is playing the ‘victim’ but because this kind of sentiment downplays the kind of harassment that women actually endure and by doing so, invalidates other claims about misconduct. That comment was at best a compliment and at worst, a fleeting remark. We have the agency to guard our own online privacy and I’d like to think that I am very much responsible for protecting myself from any invasion of privacy. This is not to say that online harassment is not a real and serious problem, but in this particular case, the girl who made the post imprudently accepted his friend request, albeit the fact that he was “a complete stranger,” and yet, she takes zero responsibility.

Moreover, I don’t find it empowering or in line with feminist ideals to always think of oneself as a victim or a persecuted minority that is constantly subject to harassment, mistreatment, and abuse, either by the opposite sex, or by an institutionalised force that is beyond one’s power. This ‘victim’ mindset also envisages the relationship between men and women as essentially one of harassment and rape. Men are not our enemies. If we were to really resolve problems, and facilitate change regarding sexuality, gender, and inequality, men need to be in the dialogue just as much as women. Increasingly, however, men find it hard to be included. Demonised, and in turn, self-policed, men are discouraged from participating in the conversation, fearing that anything they do or say might be labeled as “objectifying”, “sexist”, “violating”, or “misogynistic”. Demonising men simply doesn’t help matters because it inculcates antagonism and resentment between the sexes, adding to an already tense inter-gender relation.