MEND A FRIEND

  • Agonyaunt

Jan 15, 2019-

Dear Aunt,

I have a best friend, who is in fact my only friend. We have been friends for the last six years, and she has shown me what friendship really means. She has always had my back and encourages me in any creative endeavours that I dive into. As I am an introvert, many people in life used to take advantage of me and force me do things or be in situations that I really didn’t want to. But since this friend came into my life, she has given me the strength to face all these toxic people and stand up for my choices, rather than be pushed around. But for the past two weeks, my friend has been socialising with her ‘new’ friends and barely had time for me. Whenever I call or text her, she keeps talking about them and details all the fun she had while spending time with them. I know that she loves me and cares about me, but since she is my only friend, when she is busy, I have no one to turn to. I am not the kind of person who can instantly make friends either. My friend keeps telling me that I have to join her with her new friends but due to my nature, I cannot accept her offer. I don’t want to come off as a creep or a needy person and tell her that I want to meet her alone and not with a crowd. But now, I feel alone as my only friend is enjoying someone else’s company and has no time to listen to my inner thoughts.

—Abhilasha

Dear Abhilasha,

First, I want you to know that you are not the only one in this world that has trouble making friends. It is particularly difficult to find good friends who stand by your side no matter what and encourage you to pursue your interests. According to your letter, your friend seems like a nice person who cares about you. It is also totally understandable to feel alienated when your friends make new friends and you feel like you have been forgotten while they have now found something new. But if your friend is as you have described her to be, then she knows the meaning and importance of true friendship. She has even invited you to join them which means that she also wants you to share in the fun. But this does not mean that she needs to babysit you. Like every relationship, friendship also needs space to grow. This situation can be a big lesson to you to enjoy your time with yourself—this can be even more meaningful to you as you are an introvert, according to your own account.

You need to be able to organise your time so as you can include your hobbies in your everyday life and explore your creative side. It is important to direct your feelings to a positive path and find an outlet to express your innermost feelings. It is true that we need friends to tell them our deepest secrets, but it is also necessary that we are able to express them through various other means. For some, art or poetry is that outlet while it is running or sports for others. You have to find yours. This will not only stop you from feeling alone but can also strengthen your friendship. When you are constantly sharing your thoughts with one person, it can become monotonous, may be that is one of the reasons that your friend finds the company of her new friends amusing. But once you are immersed in your hobby, you will no longer be dependent on that friend to lighten your mind. Instead, the next time you see her, you will have many interesting things to share with her.

You should also re-think her offer to join her friends for an outing. If your friend, who is so close to you, likes their company, then you should trust her judgement and join them—at least once! If you don’t feel their vibes after one meeting, then you can tell your friend straight away that you do not enjoy their company. You should also be clear with her that you value your one-on-one time with her and request her to make time for you. If she is a good friend, she will not take your request to be needy, especially after you start venting your thoughts through other creative means too.

Published: 15-01-2019 08:18

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