HURRY TO MARRY

Feb 12, 2019-

Dear Aunt,

I’m a 23-year-old girl pursuing my undergraduate degree. I will be graduating next year. My mother is concerned about my future and we had a talk a few days ago. She says that I should get married once I turn 24. Although my friends think that it is too early to settle down, I have always felt that 24 or 25 is the right age for me to get married. But the problem is that I don’t even have a boyfriend. I had one in the past but it didn’t go as expected and we decided to part ways. Since then, I haven’t been interested in anyone until now.

But recently I’ve started to have a crush on one of my classmates. We are good friends but I think I have started to develop romantic feelings for this person. I’m also ready to be in a committed relationship—even get married. I have yet to find out how he feels about me but I’m already starting to picture our wedding. I want to make sure that there is something special between us, so I’m thinking of confessing my feelings this Valentine’s Day.

However, I get nervous even thinking about talking to him. But on the other hand, if I don’t pursue this relationship, my mother will look out for other boys as my potential groom. I really don’t want to have an arranged marriage. Please help me aunt.

—Sarah

Dear Sarah,

It’s alright to plan ahead for your future and to be so sure of your preferences. But marriage is a big step and shouldn’t be decided lightly. Sharing your life with another person is a huge step to take and can change the course of your life—in both good and bad ways. I am sure you have been told this by your parents and relatives multiple times. As your mother wants you to settle down early in life, it is only natural that you trust her decision.

But I want you to step back and think about it again. Is it in your favour to be married just for the sake of marrying? Is it a healthy way to start a relationship because you feel lonely? It is true that we all want companions with whom we want to share each and every moment of our life but it is equally important to find the right person. Your one mistake of choosing the wrong partner can end up with regrets and in worse situations.

From your letter, I have also gathered that your idea of love and marriage is highly romaticised. It is how young people perceive love and you are no different. At your age, you see the world through rose-coloured glasses. There is nothing wrong in being optimistic but it is also

necessary to analyse the pros and cons of life situations. So even if you think you are ready to get married at this age, don’t rush it and get married just for the sake of it. Make sure to invest time to get to know the person you want to call your husband someday.

You have been dreaming about marrying a person who you are not even sure likes you back the way you do. By your own words, you only have a ‘crush’ on him and we all know that crushes can be fleeting. I am in no way invalidating your feelings. If you are planning to confess your feelings to him, then by all means, please go ahead. It will at least further things—you will know how he feels about you. There is no guarantee that he has the same romantic feelings for you and he may be taking you only as a good friend.

But don’t be too hard on yourself if you don’t receive the answer you had anticipated. Even if he reciprocates your feelings, don’t rush things right away. Remember that you’re the one who is willing to get married soon but it might not be the same for him. So, let him have his space and take things slowly. You don’t want to regret your wedding within a few months.

If things don’t go as you had expected, just remember that it’s not the end of the world. You will still have plenty of friends to take your relationship to the next level. Go out, try to meet and talk to new people, be more social while also taking care of yourself. Give yourself a chance to learn and love yourself before you start to love others.

You won’t randomly meet a prince charming who’s meant for you. It takes patience, and a lot of time to get into something as serious as marriage. And as your aunt, all I can say is to take things slowly.

Published: 12-02-2019 11:03

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