Mar 5, 2019-
Dear Aunt,I have been thinking about something that did not strike me at all until a month ago. I am 18 years old and have been pursuing my undergraduate since the last six months. I’ve also been living in a girls’ hostel since I started college and, to be honest, I am enjoying living without adult supervision. Probably due to this, I have also been spending a lot of time on the internet, especially YouTube.
In one such binging session, I came across a video where a woman was describing her bisexual experience. After watching that one video, I dived in the black hole of sexuality videos—mostly describing bisexual experiences. Although I had only experienced being attracted to boys, after watching these videos, I feel like I show signs and symptoms of being bisexual. I always admired women’s body and used to derive pleasure from looking at nude photos of women. But until now I thought that was normal—I thought all women felt that way. So once I indirectly asked my best friend and she flat out denied it. But I have never even imagined having romantic feelings for a girl.
I am so desperate to find answers that all I do now on the internet is watch sexuality-related videos or read about it. Sometimes I feel like I’m obsessed but there are so many questions in my head and I don’t know if I can ever be sure about the answers. Please help!
It is not a bad thing if you have been watching YouTube videos that provide information on sexuality. If those videos stir something in you or makes you think about it then probably it has been helpful to you. But do not rely solely on the internet and especially on YouTube channels that showcase their personal experiences on these matters. The issue of sexuality is very personal and it differs from person-to-person. It may give you a basic idea but it is something you have to decide on yourself.
If you are being curious about your sexuality after watching these videos then it is important that you have a face-to-face conversation with a queer person. As we don’t have government sanctioned safe spaces in Nepal that help young people have these conversations, you can reach out to non-govenrmental organisations that work for the LGBTIQ issues such as Blue Diamond Society. Alternately, you can also see a psychologist where you can openly share your issues and voice your confusion. The psychologist may have some logical method to help you clear your head around these issues ,even if they may not be a sexuality specialist.
It is also essential to understand that it is not important to label yourself. If you think you may not come under the bracket of a heterosexual then you can experiment with your sexuality to be sure about it. Remember that you are not the only one who has these feelings and there are many people, even in Nepal, who go through the same situation or emotion that you do.
For now, don’t rush. You should understand the issue more before you decide on your sexuality. It is however not at all harmful to have a healthy curiosity.
Best of luck and I hope you come in terms with your sexuality.
Published: 05-03-2019 09:48