Dangled in a triangle
Mar 12, 2019-
Dear Aunt,I’m in a very awkward stage of my life right now. I have been in an on-and-off relationship with a guy since I was 18. We aren’t currently in a romantic relationship but we’ve remained great friends, and both of us are okay if we see someone else.
A few weeks back, I turned 21 and my close friends hosted a huge party. He was also invited with a couple of his close friends. I know his friends quite well too. But at my birthday party, I got too drunk and so did his friends. And while I don’t remember any of my activities from that day, everyone says that I confessed having a huge crush on one of his friends.
After that, as per my friends, my ex stormed out of the party and hasn’t been in touch with his friend to whom I confessed my feelings. I admit having a crush on his friend but I had no intention to reveal it that way. Now, because of me, they don’t talk to each other. I’ve now started the guy from the party and he shares that he feels guilty for dating me and for hurting my ex. They were very good friends and I feel like I have ruined not just our relationship but also theirs.
I feel like I have moved on but maybe it’s not the same case with him. Now, I’m in the middle and I feel that its up to me to try and steer this relationship back in the right direction. I don’t know what to do, Aunt. Please help me figure out what should I do next.
It appears that you still have a lot from the past lurking around you. Maybe it’s because you both didn’t end the relationship on a clear mutual understanding. The whole journey of being in an ‘on and off’ relationship with your long-time boyfriend must have confused him and he might have hopes of you two getting back together. This is clearly indicated in his behaviour. It shows that you have not been clear with him about what you want in the future or that he has not clearly deciphered your understanding. You have moved on and he has not. It’s important to let him know this, and why you feel that it is over for good this time.
You’ve spent a number of your years together with him and now, if you’re so sure that you don’t want to spend any more with him, then you have to open up about it. All of the people embroiled in this situation are adults and communication is key to resolving this. He deserves to know where you stand at the moment and how you see yourself accommodating him in your life from here on. You also need to make it clear to him that he needs to respect your choices and you are ready to save your friendship if he meets you halfway.
If your boyfriend also wants to retain his friendship with your ex, despite knowing about your history with him, then all three of you can meet up and clear the air to avoid any future conflict. You also need to talk to your boyfriend about your ex and how your relationship with him began in the first place and how do you see him now.
So, it’s time that you, your boyfriend and ex better wear your shoes of adulthood and communicate your emotions maturely. You can’t expect everyone to understand your emotions, but you can definitely give it a try. And if you don’t bring this topic among the three of you, the situation might get even worse later. It may even get toxic for your current relationship.
For new things to begin, you have to let go of your past in good terms. Good luck!
Published: 12-03-2019 10:39