Print Edition - 2019-03-23  |  On Saturday

Fools Don’t Invest (FDI)

  • Dear Oli, we really don’t need foreigners to come to our land and invest in our projects
- Guffadi

Mar 23, 2019-

Our great Commie government on Earth is organising the Investment Summit next week to attract cunning foreigners to invest in this country. Yes, fools don’t invest in this land. Well, they do but most of them are Nepalis. We invest in our land believing that this country is finally on the right track to peace and prosperity. And then, we get fooled again and again because we still have to worry about extortion from both civil servants and criminal outfits.

And thanks to our government, we will now have to pay taxes from the local to provincial to federal administrations and end up broke by the time we file our audit reports for the year. If you really want to invest in your own country, then start a political party instead. You don’t have to pay taxes and you don’t have to worry about filing your financial statements on time and don’t even worry about how to declare the source of your income. The KYC (Know Your Customer) natak is for common folks. Con artists in this land ask our chor byaparis to send their black money to the Cayman Islands and then bring it back to this land in the name of FDI. No wonder, most of the commercial complexes and other businesses are owned by our netas in the name of their wives, cooks and drivers while we the people have to go to the Middle East to work as cooks, nannies and drivers for the Sheikhs there.

You really need to be brave, stupid and be willing to pay off our netas, civil servants and contractors to make any money from our land. Just look at the Italians working on our ‘Melamchi’ project. We all knew all along that it doesn’t matter if you are a domestic or foreign contractor, your cheque will not clear until you pay off our bureaucrats. It doesn’t matter if you’re supplying a pen drive to the local government office or a train to some ministry. Our sarkari hakims and mantris want their cut.

I think our Oli government has got it all wrong. House of Oli seems to be hell bent on banning peaceful assembly, freedom of religion, freedom of press and what not and it is ironic that it wants to attract bideshi money to invest in projects here at home. I think our netas and civil servants have forgotten that it is not going to get any FDI from Venezuela, North Korea or other places where dictators have all the fun while the people are always on the run. Those who may be interested to invest in our land mostly come from democratic countries or those who may practice one party rule but support capitalist economic model for development.

Our Minister of Miscommunication wants to even do away with social media sites so that we won’t have to read tweets from the most powerful man on Earth who has insulted us by calling our land ‘Nipple’. And so far, our government has not even recalled our Ambassador in DC and did not bother to ask the Amriki Ambassador here for clarifications. And now our great Emperor, the great communist warrior, has once again proven that he is indeed a magician who can satisfy his comrades by calling out Amriki imperialism and supporting Maduro and then after the heat is turned off, he turns around and asks the Amrikis to make it easy for him and his family to seek treatment for his wife in the United States. We really wish Sita Auntie well and hope she will get the necessary treatment but at the same time, it would also be nice if our netas and civil servants focused more on making our public hospitals efficient rather than selling out to the medical mafia.

Well, let’s get back to the Investment Summit. Our government wants to convince bideshis that it will approve so-called FDI within a week. Well, we can believe that but it will probably take a century to take your money back if you do make a profit from our land. It seems that our own government is anti-people but think they can convince the bideshis that their money will be safe and they will get better return on investment here than their backyard.

Our Nepal Rastra Bank wallahs have decreased the amount of Amriki dollars we can take with us when we travel abroad and it has also cut down on how much we can spend in India. And either the bideshis don’t read the news of this land or think they can get away with everything if they pay off our chors. So don’t be surprised if one day, Ncell wallahs tell us that they have been paying off whoever becomes the Minister of Miscommunication. Yes, our country is run by crooks who teach you to cook your books so that you can get off the hook if you pay them off.

Dear Oli, we really don’t need foreigners to come to our land and invest in our projects. Just ask us, fellow citizens to sell our gold, silver and pots and pans and we will be more than willing to invest in our own hydropower and other so-called mega projects only if you can guarantee that we will not lose our shirts and our homes and we will not be threatened by our own underground outfits.

First, make your own citizens feel safe in their own land and create an environment for them to invest their own hard-earned money before wasting our taxpayers money to hold a summit for bideshis. But if you really want to hold such summits then do it at Everest and maybe the Chinese will build a highway to the top of the world while the Austrians will build cable cars and the Indians will shoot their movies there and then we Nepalis will just make a few pennies while the smart bideshis will take home dollars, but only if they are willing to pay off our sarkari accountants to clear their cheques. That’s how it works and so far it has been working fine for our chors!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Published: 23-03-2019 20:59

User's Feedback

Click here for your comments

Comment via Facebook

Don't have facebook account? Use this form to comment