NOT YOUR MESS

  • Agonyaunt

Apr 2, 2019-

Dear Aunt,

I am a 22-year-old recent college graduate and have just started working for a private company. For a year, before I graduated, I was heartbroken, depressed and didn’t look forward to life in general. Due to my bad grades, I was unsure if I would ever graduate and this made me spiral down to the darkest phase of my life. If it hadn’t been for a friend, who always encouraged me to face all my obstacles, I would probably be a dropout. I am forever thankful to him for helping me during the hardest period of my life, even when my then girlfriend, whom I trusted the most, broke up with me.

But now, my friend, whom I respect a lot, and my ex-girlfriend who left me when I needed her the most are dating. This is affecting my relationship with my friend. I know I should respect his choice and let him be with whomever he wants to, but I really do not want my ex-girlfriend in my life again. But now, whenever I go to meet my friend, she is there too. Solely to avoid her, I have even stopped seeing my friend.

Sometimes I even have the urge to tell my friend about how I was mistreated by my ex-girlfriend (and his current girlfriend), and that he should also stay away from her. But I fear this will further hamper our friendship. What should I do?

—Bijay

Dear Bijay,

You say that you have come out of the darkest phase of your life. If so, then you must be appreciating whatever has come your way since you have successfully dealt with your hurdles. So, it would just be wise to not get into someone else’s mess, don’t you think?

I understand what you may be feeling at the moment—it is never easy to deal with your exes, especially when they end up in your friends’ circle through a different route. But you need to think from a broader perspective. If you value your friendship with the person who stood beside you and helped you overcome your problems, then your ex-girlfriend’s presence shouldn’t be too much of a problem for you.

If it bothers you so much then you can even politely ask your friend to meet with you alone. No matter who he is dating, they shouldn’t come in between you two. If you want to be a part of his life only when it is convenient to you then what is the difference between you and your ex-girlfriend?

Regarding telling your friend about your past with his now-girlfriend, you need to understand that every relationship has its own personality. Maybe it didn’t work between you and her but it might between them. Like you, both your friend and ex-girlfriend may have a renewed perspective on how they want to move ahead in life after graduation. So, let them be for now.

If anything goes wrong, then be sure that you are there to lend your support to your friend, as he once did to you. It’s time to let go.

Published: 02-04-2019 11:50

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