NO FOREVER

Apr 9, 2019-

Dear Aunt,

I’m in a relationship with a girl for the past three years. Initially, we clicked instantly after we were introduced in my cousin’s farewell party. My cousin was leaving for the US so he had invited a few of his friends and their siblings whom he knew well. I met my girlfriend at the very same party as she happened to be my cousin’s best friend’s sister. Her sister and my cousin were close friends from college so even though I liked her at the first meet, I thought of taking things slow. But once we started talking, she confessed that she had developed some feelings for me since day one. We were honest to each other and took our relationship forward.

But even after knowing her for years now, I never thought that we’ll come to realise that we’re completely different from each other. We thought we were each other’s soulmates, but we’re not even like-minded enough to being each other’s best friends.

This all started once I bought couple rings for the Valentines Day, two years into the relationship. She loved it and we would pretend as if we’re engaged (just some relationship thing). But after that I thought of living together with her, also because I was already living alone in my apartment and she lived with her sister in a girls’ hostel. Even though it is quite a new culture in Nepal, at that moment, I wanted to go for it. Although we mostly texted each other on Facebook and met once a week over the two years, I had felt like I know her enough to take this step and convinced both the sisters somehow.

But once we started to know each other better by sharing a roof, we only had fights. I came to realise that her temper was uncontrollable. Before, we would have occasional misunderstanding and I would always let go of my ego and apologise to her. But now, we are fighting over little things and I can’t bow down to her even for her own mistakes. It was enough, I started feel toxic within a few months and shared my thoughts of breaking up.

She said that her parents won’t be happy to find out about this, especially after knowing that we’re living together and thus, even though we both know that it won’t work out, she is afraid that we can’t officially breakup. Both of us can’t stand each other anymore and she can’t even move back to the hostel because her parents keep on asking for me during their video calls. I don’t know what to do, Aunt. This can’t go on forever but I don’t know how to stop this.

 —Pradeep

Dear Pradeep,

This is life. Sometimes things work and sometimes they don’t. I think you’ve come to understand how difficult it is to cultivate a relationship and grow yourself along with it. And hopefully, you partner acknowledges that too.

Please understand that it’s neither of the two party’s fault but it needs accountability from the both sides.

You guys did the right thing by experimenting to live with each other so that both of you could reflect well about each other. It’s alright, maybe you could still be good as friends but not as romantic partners. Both of you need to talk to your parents. This time, ditch the internet and opt for a physical conversation. Maybe it’s time you assemble your families and amend the necessary changes in your plans about the future.

It is understandable for your girlfriend’s parents to worry about her, especially after living with you. But if the relationship was among the two families only, it won’t be a big issue to end it on a good note. However, if the relationship was treated publicly then it might become a challenge, especially for your girlfriend.

What you can do is, opt for any kind of support your girlfriend requires until she is over the issue in her society. You’re still pretending to be her boyfriend and offering her to stay at your place when the relationship has already ended, this proves that you both still understand each other’s problems and you= still care for her regardless of the ill behaviour you both showed towards each other. So, one last thing you can do is to help her confront her parents and tell them how you’ve both realised that this is the dead-end of your relationship. You further need to let them know that living together didn’t do any wrong to both of you and it doesn’t add any burden for your future.

You may be wondering, ‘It’s easier said than done’, but that’s how you need to take this through. Both of you are hopefully mature enough to understand that this is your ultimate choice. Putting such things forward from the simplest means of communication can solve any complexities. And for you, this is the only way you can tackle it without making this issue a mess. Good luck!

Published: 09-04-2019 11:06

User's Feedback

Click here for your comments

Comment via Facebook

Don't have facebook account? Use this form to comment