Print Edition - 2019-05-04  |  On Saturday

Shift the Capital!

  • We can solve some of our VVIP-induced traffic jams if we shift the capital elsewhere. Chitwan would be the best place to shift our Very Very Irritating People who have no shame wasting our taxpayers money.
- Guffadi

May 4, 2019-

It’s about time our incompetent government think seriously about moving our capital to another city. Yes, our netas have been talking about this for a long time and so have we, but it’s now time to talk the talk and walk the walk. We can’t have airports shutting down just because a VIP is leaving for foreign lands. I think it is better if we pay the Nepal Army to build their own airbase and our chor netas can fly in and out from there instead of using our only international airport and giving us all a hard time. Visit Nepal 2020 is just around the corner and what message does it send to tourists when our airport is closed for a VIP and they have to miss their flights back home.

And our concerned agencies should either move our domestic airport somewhere else or open the TIA for 24 hours and schedule international flights at night and domestic ones for the day. Forget Nijgadh, Pokhara or Bhairahawa. I don’t think we have the capacity or the resources to handle three or four different international airports. Our civil servants never do their homework and our netas are only interested in making a quick buck while in power. That’s why nothing really happens in this country except corruption from thulo mancheys, and only frustration for the common folks.

We can’t have our roads closed for hours to let the VIP on his or her way to the airport. I think it is better if our netas thought about the people for once and asked their personal aides to schedule programmes in the early morning or late evenings so that we the people do not have to waste our energy honking our horns and creating more noise pollution.

And our Ministry of Foreign Affairs wallah should at least give some advice to our VVIPs when they are on foreign trips abroad. Do not make a fool of yourself. Learn how table manners work and even how to walk or even get off the plane. Just watch Trump and how he does on Air Force One. We can’t have our Madame President and her entourage walk down the plane as if they are done shopping at Bhatbhateni. And Madame President, why are you attending conferences abroad just for the sake of wasting our taxpayers money? If you really want to go on a world tour then visit the Vatican and meet the Pope. Go to Amrika and give a speech from the White House Lawn celebrating Nepal-US friendship. Go visit the Queen and remind her that the Gurkhas have been serving the British Crown for two hundred years and have yet to get the respect from the British. Visit Singapore and remind the Prime Minister that the Nepalis serving in Singapore Police should not face such discrimination, especially their kids who have to leave Singapore when their fathers finish their service.

I think we can solve some of our VVIP-induced traffic jams if we shift the capital elsewhere. Chitwan would be the best place to shift our Very Very Irritating People who have no shame wasting our taxpayers money on luxury vehicles, chiya kharcha and medical treatment abroad.

I think our Emperor should ask Oli Ba to come up with a plan to shift all things government to Chitwan and Renu Didi can also benefit from it. It’s time our freeloaders moved out of the Kathmandu Valley so that the 6 million residents here do not have to deal with traffic jams and out of control Armed Police Force vehicles escorting our chors every other day.

Our Madame President seems to be living in a bubble with no access to TV, newspapers or even social media stuff. The people are pissed that they have to wait for hours while our Madame President gets out of the President’s House to attend another ribbon-cutting function or when she makes a trip overseas. And we all thought we were done with such nataks but boy, we were so wrong, weren’t we?

We thought things would change once Gyanu Uncle left the building but it seems that we just got rid of one King so that hundreds of mini-maharajas and maharanis could enjoy the show. And our greatest communist government on Earth has lost face with its nataks to curb press freedom, peaceful assembly and has been trying to control us all with new laws that would even put the North Koreans to shame.

I think our comrades fail to understand that even our Rana uncles had to leave the building and the House of Shah is no more ruling the country and one day, they too will lose elections and be the opposition. So please treat Deuba kindly because his astrologer has predicted another tenure at Baluwatar for our King from Dadeldhura.

And who knows, our Emperor might switch partners come next election because the man is a magician and he always comes up with new magic tricks to enthrall us all.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Published: 04-05-2019 08:39

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