LATE BLOOMER

  • Agonyaunt

May 7, 2019-

Dear Aunt,

I’m in my early 40s and single. I’ve been living in Norway for more than a decade and have comfortably adjusted to my lifestyle here. But lately, I’ve been feeling that I probably need a romantic companion.

Almost all of my friends in Nepal are married and most have a couple of children as well. When I was getting ready to leave for Norway, my family had also tried convincing me to marry, which I had refused right away. I don’t regret that decision. When I look back, if I had married then, I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy my life as much as I did. And I wasn’t always single either—I have dated enough in the past, although I was never tied to a single relationship for more than few months, except one.

After being in a relationship for three years, I had brought her home to Nepal. When we started dating, we had talked about our different cultures, nationalities and upbringing, but after her visit to Nepal, she said that she felt uncomfortable and broke up with me after a few weeks. That was the only time I had ever introduced anyone to my parents.

After the incident, although my mother pestered me to talk to Nepali women, I turned a deaf ear. I didn’t have any serious relationships either. My mother probably got tired of my behaviour and it has been quite a few years since she stopped asking me to get married.

But whenever I see my friends with their family, I feel hopeless that I’ll ever have someone by my side. I’m also ashamed to let my mother know that I want to get married now. I think I’m getting old and it’s stupid to even think that I’ll find anyone of my age, especially in Nepal. Please Aunt, let me know what I should do.

—Rishav

Dear Rishav,

First of all, don’t feel disheartened. And before you jump into anything, you might want to rethink your decision. Listen to your needs. Do you really want to get married? If yes, why?

Although marriage appears to be an important step in one’s life, it’s completely optional and totally up to you. And it isn’t a big deal if you decide not to get married.

Since you said that you have enjoyed your life so far and only seek a romantic companion, I wanted to make sure if you’re really ready for marriage. It is important that you make sure you understand what you are looking for—companionship or marriage. Confusing these two can be toxic for your future.

If you are truly interested in

marriage then you should understand that it takes time and patience to build a relationship. You shouldn’t

be worried about your age. It’s more important to think about compatibility, chemistry and each others’ expectations.

It is natural to think about marriage—many people in Nepal think about it much earlier than you have. But make sure that you understand the responsibilities that come with marriage and that you are not just deciding on the basis of rosy pictures of your friends’ happy families.

You have been living away from home for a long time, so it is important that when you marry a Nepali woman, you both understand each others’ perspective on partnership and matrimony.  

And finally, after thinking through all of the above issues, if you feel that you are ready to get married, let your mother know of your interest. She may still want to see you find a partner and offer some help.

You may also feel like dating a person for some time before marrying them; in which case, an arranged marriage may not be very convenient. If so, then take a different route—go on online dating apps, or ask friends about their single friends. A little help from friends can go a long way.

But whatever the case, it’s up to you to decide the direction of your love life. Good luck!

Published: 07-05-2019 10:16

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