• Agonyaunt

May 21, 2019-

Dear Aunt,

I’m in my mid-twenties and currently in my final year of my undergraduate degree. As I always have dreamt of becoming a renowned counsellor, I wish to earn my master’s degree in Psychology. I want to study the subject abroad, albeit I am conscious about my financial vulnerability. I live in a rented room in Kathmandu while my family lives back home. Yet, I believe that I can afford to go to foreign universities, either by working part-time or by getting a scholarship.

I am very sure about the choices and decisions I want to take. The longer I wait to realise my dream, the more time I feel I’m losing. But my mother has other plans—or should I say worries.

Our family isn’t rich, but we have enough to get by. My mom, on the other hand, isn’t satisfied with our condition. Recently, when I visited her back home, I could see that she is envious of our neighbours, who have their own houses. She continuously complains about not having enough money. During my week-long stay there, I tried my best to counsel and comfort her, but it didn’t seem to have brought any change in her.

This attitude of hers has left me confused and instead of encouraging me to apply for universities, she wants me to go to Gulf countries and earn a lot of money. She tells me that her patience is running out and she cannot wait until I am graduated to improve her living conditions.

I don’t think I can compromise my dreams to accommodate my mother’s wishes to be rich. But I don’t want to hurt her either. This unresolved family issue has left me in a quandary. My career is in jeopardy. But I’m also aware that I’m my mom’s only and last hope to improve the quality of our lives.

What should I do to alter my mother’s mindset? Please help me get out of this mess.

- Sanjay


Dear Sanjay,

It is natural at your age to look forward to your pursuing higher studies and fulfilling career goals. It is actually commendable in you are focused about your ambition. As much as it is important to look after yourself, you also seem to worry about your mother, which is rare in young people. From your letter, I gather that your family has been fairly supporting themselves. If your mother is comparing your situation with others, and feels that she doesn’t have enough resources only because of that, then it is wrong of her to push her ambitions onto you. And you have to stand up to your mom for that.

You’ve had a good start so far. It is important to communicate with her so that you both can understand each other and come to a compromise. If her behaviour is affecting you mentally and emotionally, then you need to tell her that. Sometimes, the other person may not have any clue about how you’re feeling.

She is your mother, so the chances are very high that she also wants to see you succeed in your choice of profession. So, before you play the blame game, try to understand where she is coming from. May be, for you, things are alright, but it may have been difficult for her to manage the household expenses and has been barely holding the fort for far too long.

If you make her understand about your dreams and ensure her that you will abandon her once you leave for studies, she may stop forcing you to seek foreign employment right away. If she fails to understand your plight, then you need to take a strong stance and follow the path you think is the best for you.

Even if your mother doesn’t understand it right now, she will eventually come to a realisation that what you did was the right thing.

You can always help your mother out whenever possible. This will not only hold your relationship together but will also relieve your mother from financial burden. It is time to step out!

Published: 21-05-2019 10:35

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