Making choices

  • Agonyaunt

May 28, 2019-

Dear Aunt,

I have been dating a guy for the last five years, and since the last few months, we have had multiple conversations about getting married.

When I told my mum about this, she suggested that I visit his house and socialise with his family members. So, I asked my boyfriend to invite me for a lunch or dinner with his family. When I told my mother of this, she told me to observe everything—from his family members to their lifestyle—and decide whether I can adjust in that situation.

When I visited his place, I understood the gravity of my mother’s advice. I felt that he was a different person when he was with his family. He wasn’t the confident, independent person I knew.

The other thing that bothered me was the size of his family. He lives with his mother, elder brother, sister-in-law and a younger sister. Now, I am not really sure if I want to get married to him anymore. Am I judging too fast?

—Anisha

Dear Anisha,

Although we talk about women empowerment and gender equality, the social construct is such that women are expected to compromise a lot more than men. Many married couples with a significant dating history say that they got to really know their partner only after living together. Since live-in relationships aren’t very common in Nepal, many young couples plan to get married—without getting the chance to understand their partners.

In your case, it seems like your mother is a wise person. Why don’t you talk to her about your feelings you have after visiting your boyfriend’s family? She foresaw this and hence suggested you observe him and his family in order to curb any future regrets.

It is also important to talk to your boyfriend. You have to be very honest about your experience with his family. Tell him about all your reservations. It is about both your futures after all. He may want to communicate his experience with you as well.

Let him know of all the things that made you uncomfortable.

Do not get dejected for feeling uncertain about the relationship. This may actually be a blessing in disguise. If you had to come to terms with all of this after you were married to him, then imagine, how difficult it would have been for you to grasp the changes.

This is the time to communicate and contemplate. You can decide to take more time to get married, or re-evaluate your relationship; it is all up to you. But only you can decide for you. Take charge of the situation. Good luck!

Published: 28-05-2019 10:58

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