LONER COMPLEX

Jun 18, 2019-

Dear Aunt,

I’m a 25-year-old guy who always made a mockery of love stories. I never believed in true love until I first saw this girl in our college, about a couple of years ago; it was love at first sight. Although I had a huge crush on her initially, over the years, my crush turned into love.

Recently, I opted to go online and give her a hint regarding my feelings for her. I proposed her, but in a roundabout way. Not only did she turn down my dating offer, but she boasted about her plan to go for an outing with her boyfriend. I have no idea if she is single or already taken, regardless of her response to my messages.

I think I have been scourged by an inferiority complex as my family struggles to make ends meet. She, on the other hand, seems to come from a well-to-do family. However, I think that even a poor fellow like me has the rights to love and be loved. Nowadays, I feel lonely and dark thoughts cross my mind. I feel like there is no way out of this darkness.

I feel like I am not taking the full advantage of my transient youth. I have not been able to live my life to the fullest. I feel low at times. I have unwillingly become a lone wolf. I feel dejected and worthless. And after she turned down my love, which I was very hopeful of, I feel like I will never feel happy and content.

What should I do to live a meaningful life? Please help me.

- Sanjog

 

Dear Sanjog,

It is always difficult to face rejection, especially when you have very strong emotions towards a person. But it is something we need to learn to accept. Although you may feel that she is not being truthful, she has clearly communicated that she is not interested at all. This should be your line in the sand.

You haven’t clearly stated about the kind of relationship you have with her—were you just classmates, college mates or friends? In recent years, texting and chatting online has become the norm, but it is not an ideal way to express your romantic feelings. There can be a communication gap when you cannot see the person’s expression. So, if you are hurt from the way she reacted to your proposal, then you should rethink if it was just a misunderstanding, and move on.

You need to understand that emotions work in a strange manner. Even if you may feel that you love someone dearly, they may not reciprocate and it is not their fault. You shouldn’t take it to your heart either.

Currently, you may feel as if it is unfair to you but let me break your bubble—you are taking it a tad bit far. You shouldn’t think that your romantic interest rejecting your advances diminishes the meaning of your life.

You may be right that the girl may want to date someone well-off since she also comes from the same background. But you should ask yourself first—is it only in your mind? How can you judge her just because she says that she is not interested in you? And if what you doubt is true, is it worth spending your time and emotion over a girl, who refuses to see you for what you are? You will have many people in your life who will love you for being you.

But I also understand that it is easier said than done. It is therefore important to take steps to heal yourself. Mental and emotional health is crucial and it’s necessary for you to accept it sooner and take care of yourself. If you can’t focus on your daily chores, try meditating and improve your concentration. It will enable you to continue focusing on your studies or work that you might have been procrastinating due to the pain. Take breaks. It’s really important for you to feel free right now.

When your mind is free, it’ll enable you to be more of yourself. Most importantly, don’t de-evaluate yourself.

Healing requires patience. But gradually, you’ll start seeing a change in yourself—the way you’ll be approaching yourself and people around you. But it also depends upon how you decide to rebuild yourself during this phase.

Once you feel better, the future awaits you. Go around and try meeting new people when you feel like. But don’t have your hopes too high to find the kind of perfect relationship you’re anticipating. Humans are, by default, full of imperfections, and it takes effort for us to make things perfect.

Remember, you’re only 25 and the world is your oyster. But it’s going to be a long journey to find that spark you’re looking for and it’s even more challenging to keep it burning together.

Do keep in mind that you can’t force anyone—not even yourself—to feel in a certain way but acknowledge honesty in any relationship; it’s one of the major keys to travel far together—not sugary words or flirtation techniques.

Good luck and take care.

Published: 18-06-2019 09:43

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