Guffadi

Oli needs to relax and stick to one-liners and make us laugh with his comedy

  • Oli wants us to believe we are on our way to being the most peaceful and prosperous land on Earth but in reality, we have nothing to be happy about
- Guffadi, Kathmandu

Feb 15, 2019-

First of all, let us congratulate our Prime Monster Oli Ba for completing his one year in office the second time around. Oli tells us that his government has laid a solid foundation for prosperity in our land. Yes, so far in the past one year, the only folks who have been prosperous are our civil servants, contractors, cadres and other con artists while the common folks have become poorer. We, the people, now have to pay more taxes so that we can feed the loafers in our wards, municipalities, provinces and the free loaders in our federal parliament as well.

We thought that our local representatives would do good for the people, but our elected officials at the local, provincial and federal levels are all more interested in wasting our taxpayer money on luxury vehicles and other perks to satisfy their greed. Our Oli government claims to have a zero tolerance on corruption but in reality, we now see corruption at its max. Oli tells us that his government is like no other in the history of this land. Yes, he is right. This is the government that wants to ban peaceful assembly, freedom of speech, religion and many other basic rights. Banning porn is a good thing but banning our right to express our opinion is not. And if this government has its way then we will not be able to use Facebook or Twitter in the near future. You don’t have to go to North Korea. We are the ‘new’ North Korea but of course, without the fake Marlboros, fake dollars and home-made nukes.

So what has the Oli government achieved in the past one year? Well, if we are to believe Oli then we are heading to be the most peaceful and prosperous land on Earth but in reality, we the people have nothing to be happy about. When it comes to law and order, our police wallahs have failed to do their job. We are still waiting for justice for Nirmala. We still don’t know who stole that 33kg gold? But the Oli government doesn’t care about petty stuff. It wants to shift the Police Academy to make way for helipads for our President. It wants to move the folks at the Social Welfare Council and make way for our Vice President to read newspapers and do some sun bathing. We cannot blame the Vice President. He is a nice man. Even when he was sick, he wanted to carry out his medical treatment here at home, unlike our other VVIPs who go to foreign lands and waste millions of rupees from the national coffer.

Oli needs to relax and stick to one-liners and make us laugh with his comedy, instead of going after his critics and thinking that those who may differ from his views are all members of the opposition or paid by foreign hands. We were not the ones fooled by a South Korean Christian cult. Instead, invite the Pope, although we do not have enough Catholics to fill up a stadium in this land, it will at least help us to get more tourists to visit our country. We all know that our politicians use byaparis to make their black money into legal white money but our CIAA can’t go after the corrupt netas. The commissioners themselves are corrupt. I think our media wallahs should do a report on the CIAA, which has become the agency to collect bribes from civil servants and contractors to let them go free.

We expected Oli to be our Mandela but it seems that he wants to be a Maduro and even our Emperor is not happy that the Amrikis are not happy with Maduro. I think someone needs to remind our Emperor that global politics is not like back home where you can speak anything you like and get away with it. Trump is already watching and you don’t want to piss off the most powerful person on Earth for now. And where is the outrage when the Amriki President calls our country ‘nipple’?.

So, the best way to protest Trump’s insult to our nation is by organising a BBQ festival in front of the Amriki Embassy and offering free sekuwas to the Amrikis inside. After all, it’s not their fault that their President has no idea where Nepal is.

A year and half to go and then it will be time for our Emperor to have his share of fun. But anything can happen in Nepali politics and who knows, the greatest communist party on Earth might break up and Oli might finish a full term as our PM. Oli tells us that we will get ships to our land before trains but Valley residents are still waiting for the paani from Melamchi. It was supposed to come last Dashain and with the way things are going, it will not come this Dashain either.

After all, this is the land where development projects go nowhere because our civil servants and clowns demand bribes at every stage of the project and we the people suffer miserably. Let us not blame Oli or our communists alone. Our congressis were no better and neither are the netas from the Madhesi and other fringe parties as well. We seem to get the worst bunch of pickpockets in politics. And we have no choice but to wait until the next federal elections to make it right. Maybe Naya Shakti should unite with all other small fishes out there and go after the big sharks. And we could give them a chance as well to lead Nepal. After all, we have given these chors three decades and we are still a mess.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

 

 

 

Published: 16-02-2019 07:00

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