Guffadi

The first rule in world politics is never criticise the United States unless you have nukes

- Guffadi, Kathmandu

Mar 9, 2019-

Although the conflict between the Desis and the Paks seems to have de-escalated, our national comedian masquerading as our Prime Monster could win the Nobel Peace Prize next year if he can mediate to work on a deal to end all conflicts in the region. Yes, it’s about time our netas focused on global issues than domestic ones because we know that our clowns are not going to do any good for this country except help the contractors get richer and pocket commissions from them. And our netas all love bideshis especially their funds and support even though they claim otherwise. If a Korean Cult can hand out cash prize and medals then why not the Nobel Committee as well?

Kashmir has always been a sensitive issue for both countries. And some day, we should not be surprised if our chimekis start throwing nukes at each other over Kashmir. But let’s hope that it won’t be in our lifetime and when the nukes do hit the fan then our country would be rich enough to build underground nuke-friendly bunkers for all citizens. Yes, we are actually surrounded by nukified countries and either we should also start our own nuclear programme or ask the Chinese and Indians to help us build bunkers instead of highways. Yes, we have to ask them to compensate for making our neighbourhood a dangerous place to live.

It’s funny that India sends talented folks to Amrika to work in the IT and many other sectors while buying fighter planes from Russia. I have no idea what Pakistan sends to Amrika but they have been receiving billions of dollars in aid and fighter planes as well. Our Emperor Prachanda should learn a thing or two about global politics.

The first rule in world politics is never criticise the United States unless you have nukes or you get your dough from Putin. And with the Indo-Pak conflict, we should just keep our mouth shut but ask the Indians to not use our brothers to fight the Pakistanis. But of course, our netas make a big issue about the British recruiting our folks but even our comrades have forgotten most of their 40-point demand so they seem to have no problem with India recruiting our folks in their army.

I think it’s about time we pulled back our folks from foreign armies and police force and instead work out a plan with the UN wallahs to form a rapid reaction force of half a million Nepali folks to be deployed to any conflict zone on Earth and bring peace to the world and of course a few more dollars for the families of those working for peace.

North Korea can call Trump names because they have some home-made nukes and we could have hosted the Trump-Kim Summit instead of Vietnam or Singapore. Why not have Trump and Kim come to Nepal and have coffee at Everest Base Camp or climb Everest together? After all, it’s not that hard to climb the tallest mountain in the world when our Sherpas do all the hard work and risk their lives for a few lakhs while trekking companies both domestic and foreign make a ton more.

Well, we failed to get Trump and Kim but we should not lose hope. We have a conflict right here in our backyard and this is the best time for us to step in and invite Modi and Imran to Kathmandu. Then they can go to Everest and spend a day or two there and work out their differences.

But the Indian media seems to be the worst in the world and once again they have shown that most of the folks working in TV over there are stupid warmongers who would put the FOX TV and the right-wing conservative media wallahs in Amrika to shame. I think folks who want to go to war over anything should be the first one to be sent to the frontlines. Then they will realise that war is not pretty. We have seen how bad the Indian media wallahs are when they were here during the earthquake.  At least, our media wallahs are peaceful folks and keep quiet even when Biplab dai and his comrades go on a bombing spree across the country.

Now is the time for Oli to be a real neta and put his mark in the SAARC region. Pick up the phone and call Modi and tell him that you know that he is going to win again. Pick up the phone and call Imran and tell him that we have Sandeep and a few balls here as well. And then ask both of them to visit our country for high tea and then have the greatest photo-op in the world by hugging both leaders like you will never let them go. And then Oli might get the Nobel Peace Prize next year. Yes, Go Oli Ba!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Published: 09-03-2019 09:03

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