ALMOST GIRLFRIEND

Feb 12, 2019-

Dear Aunt,

I met a girl at my college. She was already dating a guy who used to mistreat her. We became close friends in a short period of time and for me, I felt like we had something special. I never liked her boyfriend and wished they would break up soon.

One day, she came crying and hugged me at the college’s parking lot. She told me that she had broken up with her boyfriend and I thought that meant a green signal for me. After that, we became really close. We didn’t call ourselves a couple but all of our friends had started to tease us. I was honestly enjoying it but acted like it bothered me and would give annoyed looks at my friends.

It was all fine until one day one of her friends came to tell me that she is back with her ex-boyfriend. I was so frustrated and hated myself for trusting the girl so blindly. I tried contacting her but she refused to get in touch with me. She even missed a lot of classes and I was in a horrible mental and emotional state.

After a few weeks, I saw her holding hands in college with a new boy and walking to the canteen. I ran after her but her so-called new boyfriend pushed me away. I thought that she is trying to make me jealous and I also opted for something similar. There was a girl who has liked me since day one, so I asked her out and started pretending to date her. Then, after a few days, my almost-girlfriend texted me saying that she’s sorry and wants me back. I do have feelings for her but I’m still not over what she did to me. Please help me aunt.

—Anirudh

Dear Anirudh,

Your story is very complicated, to say the least. But all this could have been avoided had you and your friend communicated well since the first day. You liked your friend when she was dating someone else so it is natural for you to step back a little and give her some space. But once they had broken up, you should have confessed your feelings to her. All of your friends were pretty sure that you guys were dating anyway.

Maybe she wanted you to make the first move but as you hesitated, she decided to handle the matter differently—which was obviously a bad decision on her part. What she did to you was definitely not good and if she wanted something more from you then the best thing should have been to sit down and talk to you.

But what you did to your other friend was much worse. If that’s how you treat someone who’s always been there for you, then you are equally guilty as your “almost-girlfriend”. You have been pretending to be in a relationship with someone who genuinely likes you. You have acted very selfishly towards her.

So first of all, you need to go to your current girlfriend and come clean. You need to apologise and let her decide if she still wants to be your friend. And with the other girl, talk to her and let her know how her treatment towards you has affected you. Ask for the motive behind such an awful move. It is for you to sort things out between you and her.

It is easy for me to advise you but it will take patience and courage to deal with the situation and be able to plan something with her. It’s up to you to decide to forgive her or not. But don’t let yourself feel that she’ll be the only one you’ll find in your life. Sometimes, you have to let things that belong in the past stay there for good things to come to you. Good luck!

Published: 12-02-2019 11:03

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