Our Prime Monster KP Oli wants to show us that he still has the strength to take on his opponents, foreign aliens, and anyone who thinks he is not the right person to continue to grow organic vegetables in Baluwatar.

A year ago, he climbed Dharahara. Well, we can’t blame him for the Big One but let’s hope he doesn’t climb anything again this time or he might be the one on the ground. Oli suffers from all kinds of ailments but he seems to be doing fine, thanks to the free healthcare treatment from the state. He has already spent Karods, and will get to spend more for his medical treatment even when he leaves office.

That’s the beauty of our system. If you get to the top kurchi and even get to only sit on it for a day, you still are eligible for life-time freebies. Oh! It’s good to be a politician, especially a Home Minister, or if you are lucky a Prime Monster, then you can misuse the funds in billions instead of the usual millions you get as a lawmaker.

Yes, our former Home Ministers still get dozens of security personnel and siren-blaring pick-ups because the government thinks their life is under threat. Please, look at Kamal Thapa. He used to be a Home Minister once. He is responsible for killing dozens of folks during the Jana Andolan-2. And look where he is now. Thapa is in New York to sign the Paris Climate Agreement. Yes, and a little bit of shopping for his near and dear ones on the side. Then, he will be in London and then back home in a week.

This man is everywhere but home. Of course, he is not our Home Minister now and since he heads the Foreign Ministry, it is his job to visit as many countries as he can at the expense of our taxpayers before he leaves the ministry.

And our Madame Speaker and few other freeloaders are in London to study how the British Parliament works. Why the hell do you need to visit foreign lands even if it’s for free when you know very well that once you get home, you will forget everything? Our politicians only visit foreign countries for that extra pocket money so that they can buy gifts for their loved ones.

The bideshis should stop inviting our politicians on such free tour package natak. If you really want to help us then carry out a lucky draw and invite hundreds of common folks to visit your land and learn a thing or too. But of course common folks don’t run the country, crooks do! It’s the same everywhere.

And Deuba is in Delhi because he wants to make sure that everyone is on the same page when he gets to be our Prime Monster once again. Back then it was the Pajeros and don’t be surprised if you see our lawmakers driving around in tax-free Porsches by next year.

When it comes to our buffoons enjoying the good life, anything seems possible in this land. But when it comes to you and me, trying to get even the most basic of all services from the state is a job impossible. It will take days, weeks and months before you receive the benefits that you are entitled as a citizen of this land.

We have seen politicians inaugurating bridges, hospitals, schools and what not, but Oli has topped it all by showing his presence at the so-called International Wrestling Tournament held at our Rangasala last week.

Before he became our Prime Monster, Oli climbed Dharahara just to show his opponents that he was fit enough to be our man in Baluwatar. But the sad thing is we no longer have Dharahara and it will probably take our incompetent government at least a decade before we have something standing tall again.

Bhimsen Thapa is long gone and it was not a happy farewell for him then. He built the tower and it is no longer there. Thank God we don’t have the same kind of Prime Monsters these days and our politicians are a lucky lot that they are playing politics a century and half later.

Back then, you could do all the hanky panky to get to the top but once you were there, there were other folks to pull you down. It’s the same story now as well but at least you no longer meet a violent end like in those days. These days, you get national honour and government holidays when it’s your time to leave this world even if you have misused your power, funds and everything else to take this country down the drain.

Oli makes a fool of himself wrapping himself with the wrestling title belt or whatever they call that thing. The wrestling you see at the Olympics is real. The wrestling tournament held at Rangsala is just a circus act and I guess Oli really identified with it as well.

In a few days, it will be a year since the Big One struck. Thousands of our people lost their lives  and many more were injured in the earthquake; hundreds of thousands of homes were destroyed—but does our government care? No! Our corrupt slimy evil-doers seem to have no souls. They don’t care—be it the earthquake, blockade or anything. They have no shame to loot the funds meant for the people.

Our politicians were hiding instead of being out in the open helping the people after the earthquake. Our civil servants had never done their homework even when the bideshis spent millions of dollars training them and helping them to prepare for the Big One. Our civil servants still don’t care.

Instead, our politicians want to place their own chamchas to positions where they will have access to billions of dollars of aid meant for the earthquake victims. Our security personnel did a fine job then but it would be nice if they displayed the same spirit of brotherhood to our protestors as well. Please be nice and don’t act like savages when it comes to dealing with protestors be it women, senior citizens or Madhesis or Janjatis or even Kamal Thapa. At least Thapa is lucky that he got thrashed and now he is Mr Flash. Not all of us are lucky like him.

We all know very well that our people will never get the help they need.

Our politicians and civil servants will share the aid among themselves and half of it will go to our bideshi consultants as well. It seems that we have more politicians in this land than anywhere in the world. Everybody is a politician. Look at our civil servants. These fools have trade unions, dozens of them and the main job of such unions is to obstruct the work of the government.

A peon has the connections to transfer the hakim saheb. Our  hakim sahebs don’t listen to the mantri. The mantri doesn’t care about the people but only listens to his personal aide. Our PM is a clown like everyone else before him. We live in such a beautiful land among such hardworking, law-abiding citizens but we must have done something real bad in our previous lives to deserve such Obnoxious Lazy Imbeciles!

(Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at [email protected])