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  • Agonyaunt
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Nov 14, 2017- 

Dear Aunt,

I had been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about three years. We had been a happy couple but recently I have become addicted to online multi-player gaming like DOTA. For the past few months, I have been spending up to 10-12 hours a day playing these games online and have gotten to a bit of a gambling habit too. At first, my girlfriend didn’t care about the amount of time I was spending online, but eventually, understandably, she broke up with me. This was about two weeks ago. I recognise the problem, I am addicted. But I have yet to find a way to escape this addiction. I have always struggled with self-discipline. I miss my girlfriend and I miss being out and about, but anytime that I am not on my computer gaming, I feel empty and depressed. How can I help myself?

—Glued

Dear glued, 

The only way out of this is through this. Don’t give into to that feeling of hollowness when you’re not on your computer. Instead of accepting that you’re weak and that you cannot do without the computer, fight it and endure the feeling. At the end of the day, it all boils down to your will power and your determination. The best way to kick off addiction is by settling into a new routine. Acquire new hobbies and when you do, make sure that the hobby pulls the same strings like gaming does. Gaming is all about competition and that feeling of victory. So, take up something that gives you the adrenaline. Take up an outdoor sport, join a gym, or roll yourself into something  adventurous such as rock climbing or mountain biking. Physical exercise is one of the best ways to tame your mind. Don’t worry, you’ve got this, but you have to know that the only person who can save you is you. 

 

Over my head

Dear Aunt,

I am a 19-year-old girl and am dating a 25-year-old guy. We have known each other for two months and I fell in love with him quickly and hard. When we first started dating, everything was wonderful but now cracks are starting to emerge in our relationship. First off, my friends are really discouraging and think that I am way out of my depth given our six year age-gap. Initially, it didn’t bother me very much, but now it is creating a few issues between us. He doesn’t treat me as an equal and is oftentimes very patronising. He keeps telling me that I am immature and that I should work according to his plans. I am still very attracted to him and enjoy spending time together, but is this a healthy relationship dynamic? If not I want to get out of it before I plunge too deep.

—Nisha 

Dear Nisha, 

You should be honest with your partner and confront him with your feelings. If you really like him and if he starts treating you as his equal, then the relationship is salvageable. Relationships are about mutual respect of partners, if there is no respect, there is no love. But chances are that your boyfriend will fall back into his old habit after a few days. The more he tries to control you the more suffocated you’ll feel. No relationship where your voice is unheard and your ability to decide for yourself is overlooked is worth nurturing. If you were 25 and he was 31 things would be different, perhaps you could find a way to be in the same page. But you’re just entering your 20s which means that life will change a lot for you and you’ll make many decisions that will leave your current self behind. There are better things ahead including better partners. You’ll also realise that you are still young and there will be plenty of fish in the sea for you to pick from. Don’t settle with mediocrity.

Published: 14-11-2017 08:06

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