Saturday Features

The ‘New’ Communists

  • Our communists are fake and most of them have invested in schools and hospitals and in the transportation sector. So let us not expect our communists to act like communists because they are just capitalists wearing the ‘communist’ tag
- Guffadi, Kathmandu

May 19, 2018-Let us congratulate Oli and Prachanda for finally merging their two parties to create a big fat Communist party in the country. Yes, it took them seven months of chiya guff, whiskey talk and what not to finally get their thulo mancheys together to agree to create the biggest left party in the nation.  And let’s hope that we will finally have free education, free healthcare and lots of freebies from our communist government. But our communists are fake and most of them have invested in schools and hospitals and in the transportation sector. So let us not expect our communists to act like communists because they are just capitalists wearing the ‘communist’ tag.

The UML needed the Maoists to take control of the parliament and our Emperor knew very well that he had to tag along with the UML to be relevant and continue to enjoy power.  That’s politics and if the UML had not started their fling with the Maoists then Sher Bahadur Deuba would have been our Prime Monster for a few years and then Prachanda would enjoy his stay in Baluwatar as well. It seems that Prachanda will be around for a while and continue to enjoy his power, whiskey and mint some more dough along the way.

Oli and Prachanda tells us that the UML and the Maoist Center no longer exist and we now have the Nepal Communist Party to lead us to prosperity. Biplab Dai will continue to do his voluntary donation or bomb your gate nataks for a while. I think the new party should just call him for lunch and make him a mantri. After all, Nepali politics is all about money and has nothing to do with serving the people at all.

The new party now has two chairperson and other seven folks in the central secretariat and has four folks who have lived in Baluwatar.  Our comrades tell us that all properties owned by the two parties will now be transferred to the new party.  If our comrades were real communists then they should also transfer all properties and cash made from illegal means while in power to the party itself. Then, the Nepal Communist Party (NCP) will probably be the richest political party not only in Nepal but also in the world as well. The party will also have investments in colleges, hospitals, transport, media, cooking gas and even supermarkets as well.

The comrades will have a 441 central committee members and forty plus standing committee members. There won’t be much problem filling up the central committee slots as they already have the same number of folks in their old central committees but it would be interesting to see how they will manage the standing committee quota. It’s not easy to make everyone happy.

The NCP tells us that they are all about people’s democracy and socialism but in practice our comrades and all other political clowns from other political parties do not care about the people and only engage in crony capitalism to enrich themselves, their cousins and their cadres.

Our Emperor tells us that the merger of two parties is like formation of water, a combination of hydrogen and oxygen. Let us hope they don’t add carbon dioxide and make it a carbonated water. We just want plain clean drinking water, comrades!

Prime Minister Oli tells us that the new party is not a tempo but a jet and needs two pilots. But let us not forget that our tempos are environmental friendly and either uses gas or electricity while jumbo jets burn lots of fuel. And let us hope that the two pilots will agree to take off and land the jet as planned and not try to do it their way and screw it up for all of us.

And thanks to our Prime Minister Oli, who has done us all proud by showing us all that no matter how much our politicians bark, at the end of the day, they have no choice but to bow down to the Desi Uncles.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Published: 19-05-2018 07:59

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