Print Edition - 2017-10-28  |  On Saturday

Gunda-Tantra!

  • We talk about our beautiful country going down the drain but now, it’s all over. The country is already in the gutter
- Guffadi
We are witnessing a new era of Nepali politics where mundrey gundas and so-called Dons finally come out and become politicians for good

Oct 28, 2017-We celebrate a lot of ‘diwas’ in this beautiful land of ours. We have the Prajatantra, Lokatantra, Ganatantra and many more ‘diwas’ to celebrate everyone as well. We celebrate the day our Shree Tins left the building. But instead we just had another autocratic ruler and his descendents who had all the fun. 

What did the Shree Tins give us? Nothing but they did build thousand-room palaces for themselves and later, our government used them to house our ministries and other government offices. Well, then the Big One hit us and our incompetent government have not begun repairing any of the damaged Rana palaces at all. Instead, they want to demolish most of them and build new buildings so that our netas, civil servants and contractors can make some dough. 

We celebrate the day our Shree Paanch left the building but instead, we now have hundreds of mini-maharajas who are having all the fun. Yes, we had one person ruling the country with the help of mandaleys. They did their best to hold on to their ‘panchey’ formula but it just failed after three decades of cutting down our forests and exploiting our resources to keep the system alive. 

Then, our late King Birendra decided to give multi-party democracy a chance. We saw our netas, from Girija Babu to others, who showed up in Kathmandu, skinny and wearing old soggy clothes. In a decade, their cheeks were rosy and their near and dear ones made more money than what the Pancheys could dream of.  We have no one to blame but our ‘democratic’ leaders for destroying our state enterprises. Wouldn’t it be cool to go around the city in our trolley buses?

 Our Sajha buses used to be go all over the country then. Our national carrier used to fly to Tokyo, London, Frankfurt and if all had gone well, it would be flying to New York as well. 

Whatever happened to our brick, paper, tyre factories in the country? It seems that our ‘new’ netas were surprised that they would be given the chance to govern so easily. And then they forgot how much they had sacrificed over the years to fight the ‘Panchey’ system. Instead, our Kangaroos destroyed our state enterprises, gave us a bloated and weak bureaucracy and engaged in massive corruption which must have even surprised the souls of the Shree Tins wandering around the Valley. 

We thought our mandaleys would go away but we were wrong as usual. Instead, the pancheys even became our Prime Monsters as our political parties needed help to form and topple governments. Then, we had our comrades and their 40-point demands. Yes, it was the same guy who now lives in Baluwatar who was having all the fun then as well. 

We had ten years of so-called civil war and thousands were killed by both our comrades and the security forces but what did we get? We got nothing. Our comrades were expecting less than a dozen seats but they were shocked when they became the largest party in this land during the first Constipated Assembly elections. Like our Kangaroos during the 90s, our comrades also forgot their sacrifices and instead engaged in corruption at all levels. 

Today, Baidya Ba is at least right for once when he tells us that our comrades are not communists. Like most of our politicians in this land, they are opportunists and they have become a part of the system they had earlier sworn to break apart and make a ‘New Nepal’ for you and me. 

Instead, our comrades are the new ‘Pancheys’. They will be a part of the coalition governments of tomorrow again and again and will get to be mini-sinisters and Prime Monsters as well. Don’t be surprised when our mandaleys get the top kurchi too. Yes, folks like Kamal Thapa and Deepak Bohara continue to be mantris in ‘New Nepal’ and nobody is worried. 

One day, Kamal Dai will be our Prime Monster too because our so-called democratic netas would rather make deals with the ‘old’ chors so that all chors can continue to loot us all and have all the fun.

And now, thanks to our political parties, we can officially celebrate ‘Gunda-Tantra Diwas’ as well. We have seen our byaparis pay big bucks to be our lawmakers but now we are witnessing a new era of Nepali politics where mundrey gundas and so-called Dons finally come out and become politicians for good. Yes, everyone has to climb up the ladder and when it comes to politics, it’s about time our mundrey gundas aim higher instead of just flexing their muscles for our netas. 

We have seen our political parties use folks like ‘Chari’ and ‘Ghaitey’ for their own self interest and when they were getting too big for their boots, they were shot dead by our brave police wallahs. Yes, our cops call it ‘encounter’ but everyone knows the real story. 

Our politicians need them because our mundreys can provide them muscle as well as money. And it would be a little difficult for our cops to shoot you if you are an elected member of our provincial assembly or the federal parliament. But would our cops have the courage to kill our politically affiliated criminals without the approval of our netas? Now that is the question!

We talk about our beautiful country going down the drain but now, it’s all over. The country is already in the gutter. The Shree Tins lasted a little over hundred years. Our Pancheys played their music for three decades and time has come for the so-called ‘Democratic’ netas to step aside. ‘Gunda-Tantra’ is here. 

In this land of ours, folks like Dr KC are called crazy and needs to be jailed for trying to prevent our netas and byaparis from making some dough. Let us all welcome our dons and pickpockets to politics. We have no one to blame but us for staying quiet, for not taking a stand and for not having the courage to fight against our chors because we are more worried about a few Rupees while these buffoons loot billions from all of us. Gunda-Tantra Jindabad! 

- Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com 

Published: 28-10-2017 08:16

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